Having stumbling onto this "plus-sized admirers" site and started poking around at very blog posts and profiles, I've notice more than a few separated/divorced members. Having just ended a 10-year relationship myself -- or rather, having it ended for me -- I am curious to find what the collective wisdom the members of this site holds in such matters.
First me: Although it surprised me when my partner wanted a divorce, I'd be lying if I didn't really expected it. While it didn't break apart "Hollywood style" -- there was no fighting, yelling and screaming, and/or cheating on each other, but we had steadily grew further and further apart. In the end, we were sleeping in different rooms and only speaking a few words to one another. While she was the one who officially ended the relationship, I know (now) that I had just as much of a hand of the breakdown of the marriage as she. She was the one who was first willing to face the truth.
I won't say that I wasn't hurt, because that would be lying. However, several months of soul searching, and with the help of lots of my friends who simply were there to listen, I think I'm ready to close that chapter in my life. I have accepted that I'm classified as a "single entity", or at least I think I have. I'm doing things that I have to do for myself, and I'm doing things that I want to do for myself. Sure, my new life isn't perfect, but it isn't nearly as dark and dreary as I once feared it would be once I ventured out on my own for the first time (again).
The question is: now what?
There are times when I feel "geez, you know it would be nice if I could share this with someone" or "it sure would be nice to go for a walk with someone and just hold hands." And to be honest, it would be nice to have that special someone help me stay warm at night, too. :-)
But how do you know when you're ready? I've heard anything from "it will be years before you're ready" to "if you are asking the question, then you're ready" or "if you have to ask, then you're *not* ready," and even the helpful "you'll be ready when you know you're ready."
How have the other "suddenly single" people out there handled it? What key signs do you look for to tell if you're ready to take a chance at trusting others with your feelings? At trusting others with maybe even your heart?
PS. Anyone catch the source of the quote from the blog title?
Having stumbling onto this "plus-sized admirers" site and started poking around at very blog posts and profiles, I've notice more than a few separated/divorced members. Having just ended a 10-year relationship myself -- or rather, having it ended for me -- I am curious to find what the collective wisdom the members of this site holds in such matters.
First me: Although it surprised me when my partner wanted a divorce, I'd be lying if I didn't really expected it. While it didn't break apart "Hollywood style" -- there was no fighting, yelling and screaming, and/or cheating on each other, but we had steadily grew further and further apart. In the end, we were sleeping in different rooms and only speaking a few words to one another. While she was the one who officially ended the relationship, I know (now) that I had just as much of a hand of the breakdown of the marriage as she. She was the one who was first willing to face the truth.
I won't say that I wasn't hurt, because that would be lying. However, several months of soul searching, and with the help of lots of my friends who simply were there to listen, I think I'm ready to close that chapter in my life. I have accepted that I'm classified as a "single entity", or at least I think I have. I'm doing things that I have to do for myself, and I'm doing things that I want to do for myself. Sure, my new life isn't perfect, but it isn't nearly as dark and dreary as I once feared it would be once I ventured out on my own for the first time (again).
The question is: now what?
There are times when I feel "geez, you know it would be nice if I could share this with someone" or "it sure would be nice to go for a walk with someone and just hold hands." And to be honest, it would be nice to have that special someone help me stay warm at night, too. :-)
But how do you know when you're ready? I've heard anything from "it will be years before you're ready" to "if you are asking the question, then you're ready" or "if you have to ask, then you're *not* ready," and even the helpful "you'll be ready when you know you're ready."
How have the other "suddenly single" people out there handled it? What key signs do you look for to tell if you're ready to take a chance at trusting others with your feelings? At trusting others with maybe even your heart?
PS. Anyone catch the source of the quote from the blog title?
Oh you poor dear man. I am so sorry to hear that a relationship that you have invested so much time and heart into has disintegrated. Well, you are amongst friends. We are the wounded, the mighty the resilient. We have been dead smack in the center of the action and live to tell about it. Then the question comes to mind, "Is it better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all?"
You would be inclined to think over the course of time 2 people would only get closer and more comfortable together, sadly that is not the reality we have known. Yet, our heads tell us that time will heal all wounds and that we will and can have the capacity to love again - our heart keeps the hope alive.
Times like this all one can do is try to put a different light on the situation and focus on the positive. She has set you free and now has allowed you have a second chance at happiness. A happiness that she could not or would not provide you for whatever reason. It is a true loss for her whether she realizes it or not, and a blessing to woman somewhere out there that needs you and wants you with a firey passion beyond what even the extremes of your mental capacity can imagine.
Welcome to the beginning of a new chapter, may your story have a happy ending..
vegasangel76
Oh you poor dear man. I am so sorry to hear that a relationship that you have invested so much time and heart into has disintegrated. Well, you are amongst friends. We are the wounded, the mighty the resilient. We have been dead smack in the center of the action and live to tell about it. Then the question comes to mind, "Is it better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all?"
You would be inclined to think over the course of time 2 people would only get closer and more comfortable together, sadly that is not the reality we have known. Yet, our heads tell us that time will heal all wounds and that we will and can have the capacity to love again - our heart keeps the hope alive.
Times like this all one can do is try to put a different light on the situation and focus on the positive. She has set you free and now has allowed you have a second chance at happiness. A happiness that she could not or would not provide you for whatever reason. It is a true loss for her whether she realizes it or not, and a blessing to woman somewhere out there that needs you and wants you with a firey passion beyond what even the extremes of your mental capacity can imagine.
Welcome to the beginning of a new chapter, may your story have a happy ending..
That's the thing to me... you're never really ready because it hits you with surprise.¿ You could ready yourself if you knew it's coming.¿ Were you ready when your now ex wife showed up on your radar... probably not.¿ Why should you be now.¿ Your baggage is different then it was then, but it's baggage just the same.¿ All you can do is learn from experience, now that you know don't let your next partner drift away, find ways to keep your relationship bonded somehow. But then, what do I know.¿ I've never been married.¿ I've had failed relationship, but only to the extent I had to help him pack¿the few boxes and suitcases he brought with him when he moved in.¿ Nothing traumatic here. ¿ ¿
That's the thing to me... you're never really ready because it hits you with surprise.¿ You could ready yourself if you knew it's coming.¿ Were you ready when your now ex wife showed up on your radar... probably not.¿ Why should you be now.¿ Your baggage is different then it was then, but it's baggage just the same.¿ All you can do is learn from experience, now that you know don't let your next partner drift away, find ways to keep your relationship bonded somehow. But then, what do I know.¿ I've never been married.¿ I've had failed relationship, but only to the extent I had to help him pack¿the few boxes and suitcases he brought with him when he moved in.¿ Nothing traumatic here. ¿ ¿
¿As its been said here, I think that everyone will have a different answer to this question.
¿ ¿ ¿ For myself well I guess I knew I was ready when I was able to¿trust my judgment¿to be able to see the person that was in front of me. ¿ ¿ ¿ Part of this included laying to rest the past,¿understanding and accepting the part I played in it.¿ Though not all the pain¿subsided, it¿did allow me to be less scared to open up my heart to someone new. ¿ ¿ ¿ Then one day you meet or see someone and you recognize within you, that¿spark of hope ignite.¿ ¿ Hope of what could be,¿and you know that you are ready to embark (though maybe tentatively) on your next wonderful journey. ¿ ¿ ¿ I believe that the only way you can truly mend a broken heart is by filling it with love again.¿ ¿ You will know when you are ready because you will¿allow¿yourself to once again¿believe. :) ¿
¿As its been said here, I think that everyone will have a different answer to this question.
¿ ¿ ¿ For myself well I guess I knew I was ready when I was able to¿trust my judgment¿to be able to see the person that was in front of me. ¿ ¿ ¿ Part of this included laying to rest the past,¿understanding and accepting the part I played in it.¿ Though not all the pain¿subsided, it¿did allow me to be less scared to open up my heart to someone new. ¿ ¿ ¿ Then one day you meet or see someone and you recognize within you, that¿spark of hope ignite.¿ ¿ Hope of what could be,¿and you know that you are ready to embark (though maybe tentatively) on your next wonderful journey. ¿ ¿ ¿ I believe that the only way you can truly mend a broken heart is by filling it with love again.¿ ¿ You will know when you are ready because you will¿allow¿yourself to once again¿believe. :) ¿
The quote is the first line in act III, scene I of Shakespeare's Henry V, in which King Henry is encouraging his troops to attack the city of Harfleur again.¿ The breach is a gap in the wall surrounding the city.
Hmmm .... how very Aries of you. ;)
As for the other question ... I think I may have an idea about where you're at.¿ It's the missing someone and thinking about dating, venturing down to the pool and looking around, testing the water, maybe dipping a toe or two in stage.
When I first posted a profile I wasn't quite ready to really date.¿ But I'd gone online to look at dating websites because I was thinking about it ... looking back I know now I was getting ready to BE ready.¿ I knew in my heart I wasn't quite there yet, but I wanted to have an idea of how things might have changed and what I might say or how I would begin when I was.
I think being curious is a good sign.¿ Next comes hopefull. and at some point you may find yourself getting really excited about the idea of finding someone who is wonderful and right for you.¿ Don't be overly concerned if ambivalent, frustrated or discouraged show up in the middle of all that. too.¿ It happens.
In the end, it'll probably be more about the person than the timing, and when you're ready, you'll just close your eyes and jump.
The quote is the first line in act III, scene I of Shakespeare's Henry V, in which King Henry is encouraging his troops to attack the city of Harfleur again.¿ The breach is a gap in the wall surrounding the city.
Hmmm .... how very Aries of you. ;)
As for the other question ... I think I may have an idea about where you're at.¿ It's the missing someone and thinking about dating, venturing down to the pool and looking around, testing the water, maybe dipping a toe or two in stage.
When I first posted a profile I wasn't quite ready to really date.¿ But I'd gone online to look at dating websites because I was thinking about it ... looking back I know now I was getting ready to BE ready.¿ I knew in my heart I wasn't quite there yet, but I wanted to have an idea of how things might have changed and what I might say or how I would begin when I was.
I think being curious is a good sign.¿ Next comes hopefull. and at some point you may find yourself getting really excited about the idea of finding someone who is wonderful and right for you.¿ Don't be overly concerned if ambivalent, frustrated or discouraged show up in the middle of all that. too.¿ It happens.
In the end, it'll probably be more about the person than the timing, and when you're ready, you'll just close your eyes and jump.
The quote: Hmm... methinks I should have put a "England residents need not answer", since you folks live, eat, and breath that stuff.
As for the rest of your answer, thank you for your honesty. I know it isn't necessarily easy for someone to speak about an especially painful period in their life. And it sounds like you went through a rather bleak stretch of time.
The quote: Hmm... methinks I should have put a "England residents need not answer", since you folks live, eat, and breath that stuff.
As for the rest of your answer, thank you for your honesty. I know it isn't necessarily easy for someone to speak about an especially painful period in their life. And it sounds like you went through a rather bleak stretch of time.
As for when do you know when you're ready for a new relationship, I think it's different for everyone & it can be a combination of things. When I first split from my long-term partner, I felt emotionally drained of everything that allowed me to do anything other than get through the day at work - I did everything automatically, answered phones, laughed at other people's jokes etc but I felt nothing. If I went out, I didn't give off an air of being miserable but I wasn't happy inside the way I knew I used to be. I only allowed myself to relax & show my emotions when I got within the safety of my own four walls, in front of the tv. It took me over two years to get myself to the point where I could go out & not feel like every couple was deliberately kissing & hugging in front of me to rub my face in the fact that I was single.¿
For me, I knew I was ready for a new relationship when the concern about being alone for the rest of my life was greater than the fear of being hurt again. It was also when I was so fed up with not going out that I'd sooner risk going out to places where I didn't know anyone & risk obviously being the "odd one out" than stay in. It's been hard stopping the wall of suspicion & cynicism that's protected my heart for the last few years from getting in the way of new relationships, but whereas before I'd have happily let it stand there getting thicker & higher I know it has to go if I want to get to know someone new. :)
It's from Henry V. :)
As for when do you know when you're ready for a new relationship, I think it's different for everyone & it can be a combination of things. When I first split from my long-term partner, I felt emotionally drained of everything that allowed me to do anything other than get through the day at work - I did everything automatically, answered phones, laughed at other people's jokes etc but I felt nothing. If I went out, I didn't give off an air of being miserable but I wasn't happy inside the way I knew I used to be. I only allowed myself to relax & show my emotions when I got within the safety of my own four walls, in front of the tv. It took me over two years to get myself to the point where I could go out & not feel like every couple was deliberately kissing & hugging in front of me to rub my face in the fact that I was single.¿
For me, I knew I was ready for a new relationship when the concern about being alone for the rest of my life was greater than the fear of being hurt again. It was also when I was so fed up with not going out that I'd sooner risk going out to places where I didn't know anyone & risk obviously being the "odd one out" than stay in. It's been hard stopping the wall of suspicion & cynicism that's protected my heart for the last few years from getting in the way of new relationships, but whereas before I'd have happily let it stand there getting thicker & higher I know it has to go if I want to get to know someone new. :)
Henry the 5th by William Shakespeare. But, it's fairly easy to cut and paste into a search engine to go ogle an answer on famous authors. Even I did it, and I'm not an intelect! (lol!)
I couldn't begin to tell you when you are ready to date, and I don't believe anyone else could, either. So, out of the many and varied responses you have so far, I'll go with: "You'll know when you're ready."
Best of luck! Hope you meet the Juliet of your dreams!--True
Henry the 5th by William Shakespeare. But, it's fairly easy to cut and paste into a search engine to go ogle an answer on famous authors. Even I did it, and I'm not an intelect! (lol!)
I couldn't begin to tell you when you are ready to date, and I don't believe anyone else could, either. So, out of the many and varied responses you have so far, I'll go with: "You'll know when you're ready."
Best of luck! Hope you meet the Juliet of your dreams!--True
Welcome from another KW'r. Strolling through the blogs is a great way to get to know people - and bounce questions/thoughts off other's in similar situations. Combined with the real social everyday life - it gives you a view of both sides of the single life coin. Take it all with a good dose of common sense and you're good to go. Welcome! :)
Welcome from another KW'r. Strolling through the blogs is a great way to get to know people - and bounce questions/thoughts off other's in similar situations. Combined with the real social everyday life - it gives you a view of both sides of the single life coin. Take it all with a good dose of common sense and you're good to go. Welcome! :)
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