Blog description:I blog when I'm moody. Not moody as everyone things it is. Moody as in, having a mood. Whether its sad, happy, mad, HAPPY!, excited, frustrated, lonely, content, loved, infatuated, tired, etc.
I think blogging about what matters to me helps me and everyone who can relate that life goes on and if you feel like you're the only one, you're not.
Someone, like me, is always here!
My blog address: http://LargeFriends.com/blog/caughtoffguard
It's hard to know what you want to do with yourself with you're actually in a relationship. It's different from what you say you want to be/want to do or have some sort of PRIDE; but all you want to do is keep your significant other happy.
You try your best to keep them happy, you sacrifice a lot just to be with them and to work out this complex relationship and at the end, you feel like you're not getting anything back.
I just realized that when I say "I don't care how you look" to date you, I lied. I'm a real asshole and a lead on.
I seriously thought I could overcome physical attraction and go for personally all the way, but I can't. I honestly can't!
I'd have to look at you every time. I'd have to be with you every time.
Is it okay to be that shallow?
I honestly did think that it shouldn't matter, just as long as you're a good person inside, but it's not. I'm such a hypocrite. I guess that's why guys seem to be such jerks at the beginning and not responding. The whole "lead you on, you might like me, and I won't like you" kind of thing. Even if personality is the best.. you need SOME sort of attraction.
I seriously feel like an asshole and a hypocrite.
I guess too, that I am young and that maybe I feel I could find someone with the whole package? (Not sounding too nasty/big headed)
I guess this is how it feels to break a heart. I just don't know whether or not other's feel like this because I feel horrible!!!
I am not a dateless loser now. I actually went on two dates. One was that first kiss guy and the other we just figured out we're just really meant to be friends. :) Either way, great experiences!
It's weird because I know this is one of the first sites I've signed up to and like there's this really awesome guy that I met through here. Not like actual meet, but like found interesting and is interested in me. GREAT, you might think, but he's in England. =/ Yes. Me = America.. Him = England. All the good things happen to me. LOL.
But it's good how we're talking, but he is a really handsome guy. :) I'm scared a bit he'll get snagged up and I'm left behind. RARR.
So, other than that, I've been on other sites. Not much luck.
The whole first kiss guy kind of broke my heart. Okay, I'll be honest, my heart is STILL broken and at one point in time, I just gave up on "love" and just started messing with guys online. Haha, yeah, I'm a real jerk! It wasn't long, though, that I felt horrible and explained to them that nothing would happen. And honestly, I wasn't that bad of a girl messer-uper girl. I'd always feel bad right after.. Or at least, I hope.
Yeah, so, that's how it goes, right?
It took me about 3 weeks of distraction to make me realize that I need some REALIZING to do. (Yes, I am currently still trying to realize what I need to realize! Lol)
So, that's basically my update. I needed to vent a bit!
I recently started having a somewhat likeable feeling toward a guy (no names or anything! lol). And attraction is set for me, I'm not sure for him. But he's been really nice and sweet.
And I told you guys about the guy that keeps telling me he thinks I'm "amazing" but he's just a friend.. or.. a really annoying acquaintance.
Well yeah, so, I told the poor guy straight up how I felt our relationship was going. And how I don't think I'll change my mind about being anything other than "friends" because I'm saving my heart for someone else (which is a somewhat lie..). And I was referring to the guy that I'm actually attracted to..
So, yes, I did feel bad for lying, but I didn't want to tell him the WHOLE truth because that's a horrible thing to say. I just know he's a person that won't take NO for an answer and even if I tell him that we're going to be JUST FRIENDS, he'll make excuses / instances / comments or anything that'll make it seem like we're dating. Something a "clingy" person would do. So, what else could I have done?
Yeah, and usually, the guy that I'm attracted to would talk to me everyday. (Sorry, he's from the net! lol.. so e-mail or chat everyday). And that same day/night I check my e-mail. He stopped replying.
Isn't that a real case of karma?
Damn, maybe next time I'll just let guys that like me to like me, even if I'm not attracted to them. Let them be lead on.. right? --- Eh, i can't do that..
Either way, I get hurt!
Thanks Karma. Thanks. LOL.
I wonder if anyone of you got that. If not, sorry for all the rambles and rambles of nothings and continuous meanness that comes within me. I'm usually not this mean! =x
I'll blog some more if there's anything left in me to blog about!
I've always tried my best to become a good person. I honestly do. I recycle. I drive a Hybrid. I take 10 minute showers. I don't run the water. I save money. I don't over shop. I don't drink / do drugs. I don't party...
But all these good doings constitute in having no one to actually CARE for you while you're caring for so many other things..
It just bothers me that maybe being the way I am has kept me not dateable and easily scare off some potential guy..
I keep telling myself to wait and wait, but I've been waiting. I've been waiting awhile. I just want someone that I'm actually attracted to to be attracted to me and WANT me..
Is that so hard to ask for?
(Btw, attraction, to me, is actually being able to stand looking at the person you're going to be with in a relationship, and also standing his personality. It's never one sided!)
Lately, I've been feeling at odds with myself. I don't know what I want and once I get what I want, I don't want it anymore. Am I even ready for a relationship? But I feel like I want to be in one so badly..
Just to put it out there, I've recently lost my best friends. Stupid stuff here and there and I guess I'm just trying to make some new friends. Friends that I actually deserve and truly care about me. Maybe a boyfriend can take over that role?
I just want to feel special again. To feel like I'm needed and to be loved unconditionally from another human being.. And of course, I've had a taste of that, but now I don't just want the taste, I want the whole thing!!!
Being greedy or just at the peak of loneliness? Who knows?
I know that I've always told myself that I wouldn't care about looks.. I've always cared about personality. And I surely do care about personality!
It's just that.. would you jump over the bridge the first time a guy (or girl.. ugly cute whatever) likes you? You always think whether you're attracted.. you like HIS personality.. You think whether you can develop a natural relationship with the person, right?
And with that note, some guy, he's not the greatest looking guy in the world, but he's pretty nice.. in his own way, but he's super clingy. He keeps telling me that I'm "amazing" and honestly, I don't want to hear that from him.
Is that because I'm just seriously not attracted to him, or is it because I just don't like being reminded all this time that I am "amazing"?
I did tell him straight up that I'm not looking for a relationship with him and he keeps telling me he knows..
And I don't want to be rude.. mean.. because I've dealt with people who were mean like that.. but I just can't help being so annoyed of him. He's seriously not someone I would even hang out with.. (No not because of looks.. because.. of lacking things in common) and I can't stand the way he laughs.
Ugh, I feel like I'm degrading the poor guy, but it's seriously just how I feel.
I have no idea what to do. I don't want to lead him on and keep him as a friend.. and he'll like me even more.. But I don't want to be mean and do him wrong because KARMAS a bitch.
Is money important in a relationship? I'd like to hear it from everyone else.
But to me, I think money is important. Not like the guy has to make a ton of money for me to just sit around with kids! I'd just like my other half to be able to stand on his own two feet and do something productive!
I'm not here to say that stay at home husbands aren't great. I think that's pretty cute, actually. But I'm just saying that income should be from both, not just one.
I'd also want to live comfortably. No, not lavishly rich and divine! lol. Just not living from paycheck-to-paycheck. Constantly thinking of bills to be paid. Settling for LESS because money is always creeping up your back..
Don't get me wrong, I'm the cheapest person alive! Not that I don't give to charity or anything..
Aren't I a box of contradictions?
I just wanted to blog about something tonight. I'm kind of stressed and trying to relieve it someway or another. I hope blogging will help a bit!
Does guys on the web have a decent bone in their body? Everyone: fat, skinny, hot, ugly, tall, short, black, white, asian, hispanic, indian.. all they ever want is to have sex!
I'm getting seriously frustrated over this whole thing. I'm trying to find some decent friends or POSSIBLY a relationship, but seriousness doesn't get communicated on both sides of the spectrum; only seriousness comes from me. Are we-- the lovers out there- just jokes to people?
I'm not saying that I care, I just hate dealing with BS when I'm trying to find someone true! Whether or not we're going to date in the future, I just need someone who can have a lasting conversation!
I just want a big sign that says "PERVS NOT INCLUDED" But I'll feel horrible for saying that.
I guess I'm too nice.. even on the web I can't lie.. or at least I lie to make something euphemistically instead of hurting someone's feelings.. even if they think I'm a joke.
I think body piercing is cute. My favorite piercing is the labret.
I headed up to San Francisco today with my friend and her boyfriend that I just met. He drove my car because I was so nervous and freaked out about the whole thing riding my way up there.
So, I was still nervous and going crazy and I asked for my lip to be pierced. The lady on the counter told me that since I have braces, I can't because it will stop the healing process.
I was so disappointed and upset. I felt bad for bringing my friend and her boyfriend out and didn't get ANYTHING done! I don't really want my eyebrow pierced and my lips are my strongest feature of my face! I think so, at least. Haha.
But darn.. darn timing. I guess I'm not supposed to have my lip pierced yet. In two years, I'm ready, baby!
Doesn't anybody else feel that wishful thinking gets the best of you?
Oh man, I've totally disappointed myself this past week. Maybe relationships aren't meant to be right now. Maybe I'm set to focus on school until I find somebody that'll actually want to love me to love me.
I've been reading and commenting on posts lately and I decided I should just start making more posts. Who cares if people comment / read it, I just need to get stuff out of my system!
And so, I've been feeling a tad bit too over the top with "the future" with these guys on the internet.
Does that make me seriously insane?
I mean, I know it's the internet and I shouldn't be too forward and too anything because I'm still a skeptic over this whole internet thing. I know that there are a few of you real people out there, but who's to know that the next person that will email you telling you what you want to hear is a 12 year old little boy messing with you?
Or some really cute person and their friends in front of the computer screen laughing and expecting you to go madly over heels for them because you think they're "real."
Enough said about my skepticism.. back to other things.
Would it be okay to be straight forward with someone you really are interested in or is that way too creepy/desperate sounding?
Doesn't anybody else think that these people are "too good to be true" and that there's always a catch?
Or am I over thinking too many aspects of a casual dating service?
I'd love to hear from you, and if you just stop by to read, thanks for that too!
To make it seriously clear to all who does comment and actually take time reading these blogs and issues that people put out there, I think you all are beautiful and I hope more of you are out there in this dying-need-perfected place we call OUR HOME.
I found out that a person passed away the other day. The person was generous, kind, and always thought of others before himself. It interested me because it is true what they say "you won't miss something until they're gone" and that's exactly how all we all feel about his passing. I didn't know him that well, or probably didn't even talk to him, but the things you figure out he did.. the little things.. makes you appreciate him. It's sad that I can only say this about him now, but he was always busy and always going around helping others. At least he is remembered because of his good deeds he didn't even want to boast around; he kept quiet and never wanted that much attention. He just wanted to do some good before he passed. And I believe that for his some-years of life, he did all he can until he left us all.
I just wanted to point out that you need to live in the times of NOW.. and try not to worry much about tomorrow because tomorrow might be one of your lasts.
Sorry for posting up sad news, but I seriously think that everyone should think about their lives and love themselves and what they have NOW.. rather than being upset over what you do not have.