Plus size Blogs > Airemus's blogs > is the WAIT due to the WEIGHT ? ? ?
is the WAIT due to the WEIGHT ? ? ? Sort by:
divadawg001
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Posted on Wed, Apr 05, 2006 04:28

Okay....so blogs are supposed to be online journaling, so I'm going to put something here that's extremely personal. I don't know if I'll even click "add a post" when I've finished. The thing is, I have pretty much given up on finding someone for me. And believe me, I've heard it from my family; my friends; my coworkers; some of my "largefriends" and even myself that oh, stop looking and it will happen; you're so pretty, smart, funny.....blah blah bliggity blah. Well, I have concluded that I am intelligent; funny; attractive; compassionate; loving; great mother; hard worker...so why is it I can't find a partner??? I've been alone for a bit over two years. Am I destined to be alone forever? Is the wait for that someone special really due to my weight? It really p*sses me off when I think of it that way because I know what I have to offer someone....but is ALL THAT truly totally shaded and completely hidden by the weight? I've done some soul searching; I've looked deeper, and that is truly my conclusion. I have even considered the dreaded bypass and was told by my insurance company it would be covered 100%, only to make my initial consulation and have the same insurance company, 10 days later now say it's totally "excluded". And just thinking that if I shed all this weight and certain men started coming around, would I be flattered or angered that those same men who would want to get to know "me" wouldn't have cared to get to know the real me when I was 200 pounds overweight. It truly hurts my heart to concede to the fact that maybe it's not in the stars for me. Maybe the 17 year marriage to my ex was as good as it gets. I'd love to continue believing "THERE'S GOTTA BE SOMETHING MORE".... To resolve to be alone truly makes me sad. So, there it is; I've exposed some really raw innards in this wide world of webbing.....


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girlwhosangtheblues
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Posted on Thu, Apr 13, 2006 20:50

I wonder that everyday myself, and then I look around and see women who are bigger than me and not even as attractive as me (if I can say that without sounding arrogant) without boyfriends. Maybe it's a confidence issue in my case, possibly yours too. I'm now nearing 24 and have never been in an even remotely serious relationship, so I MORE than comprehend what you're saying.


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KBTOYZ
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Posted on Wed, Apr 12, 2006 18:24

NaturalRemedy -- nicely said girlfriend. When the right one comes along, he just doesn't care. Sometimes it's the ones that WE are interested in that makes the perfect matches for us... just finished a book. "How to tell if he'll marry you in 30 days or less". It was a great read. :) Good luck ladies. I've been lucky enough to find the one that loves this fat chick, big booty and all. LOL


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Tisha
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Posted on Wed, Apr 12, 2006 10:03

My boyfriend just dumped me 10 days ago . He is the winner of the lamest excuse for breaking up with my girlfriend award. He did not want to drive 35 minutes out to see me and did not want to meet my family at Easter, even though it was his sister that pushing it . I was always loving , supportive and sweet to him and he took the coward's way out. The guy always was telling me I was the best thing that ever happened to him, his soul mate, he missed me all the time , thought of me all day , dreamed about me at night, could not wait to see me blah blah . Then he pulls this . But I am better off because he is choronuc complainer, If he was a cartoon character , he'd have a black cloud over him with thunder and lightning. Worst thing , I found out that day , that he has a Jekyll and Hyde personality and that day I met Mr. Hyde. But, I have not given up and you should not either. Join other dating services , I have. Join Overweight,date com , BBW datefinder, American Sinlges and BBPeople Meet and join clubs dealing with your hobbies, become involved in your community , volunteer , takes classes in things that interest you . Keep your chin up, You are too young to throw in the towel.


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KathysKorner
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Posted on Tue, Apr 11, 2006 19:42

hello just to let u know pretty, small women have .....waited 37 yrs. for Mr. right...my daughter finally got engaged.....and please when i tell you,,men never approached her when she went out.....she was so lonely....sad to be alone and reaching 40.....finally one day....as i told her all along,,you'll meet someone when it's meant 2 b.......and now I'll see my 38 yr. old daughter walk down the isle!!!! because he fell in love with her inner beauty.........t.y. Kathy


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delish2kiss
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Posted on Sun, Apr 09, 2006 21:01

I found my self where you are and I'll tell you what; I did loose the weight (unhealthy way) and you know what was out there? LOOSERS! It really does not change if you look like a super model, (a quote from The Incredibles) 'super models, skinny, stupid, little stick figures with poofy lips'. To tell you the truth most men don't go for us not because they don't prefer us but because they care what everyone else thinks of them. If you took a great guy and sent him on a date with two women to a place he would be alone he would have a great time with both if not more with one of us but would never admit it because HE is too self conscious! That says more about them than it does about you. Ever think of that? Why would YOU want anyone like that? Someone who is willing to pass up on being with a woman that really makes him happy because his "friends" would give him a hard time? Girl please, YOU are too good for THEM! Your friends and family are right "he" is out there for you, but sometimes our own self doubt keeps us from seeing it, so hold your head up and if you don't feel confident, act confident and you will see the change in how everyone, not just men, everyone treats you. Try it and see. I promise you will not be disappointed. Good luck and keep us posted!!! Delish, 250 Lbs and Beautifu!!


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Posted on Sun, Apr 09, 2006 18:52

I am not too sure what is going on. All I can tel you is that when I discovered how to right my punctuation problem, I went back to my to edit old posts for the comfort of readers. When I re-posted and came back to check in, I found at least three the blogs listed as mine. I?ve got a big mouthI tend to be wordy but I'm not thatt greedy with the collective conscious ?LOL. Given this medium is new to the site and they are so restrictive, I guess it will take a while to get all the glitches out.


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divadawg001
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Posted on Sun, Apr 09, 2006 16:25

And why don't my comments post on here??? Am I being blocked? ! ? LOLOL


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divadawg001
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Posted on Sun, Apr 09, 2006 16:24

Anyone figure out how the creator on this got switched?


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divadawg001
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Posted on Sat, Apr 08, 2006 04:47

airemus - - how in the world did this become your blog??? LMAO Do you see that it's listed under your name??? That is some weird stuff.......


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divadawg001
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Posted on Fri, Apr 07, 2006 08:04

So, my blog disappeared.....what up w/that?


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POET24
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Posted on Fri, Apr 07, 2006 07:15

Whatever you do, dont give up and keep your head up ! You will find him.


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divadawg001
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Posted on Fri, Apr 07, 2006 05:38

Thank you ladies so much for your input! I've gotta say, some of it I've done; heard and thought of and some of it is truly very insightful and welcomed. You have given me a new way to look at this subject and I've got to personally say to AIREMUS - - holy crap ! ! It's like we're sisters from another mister....LOLOL... I was crying by the time I finished your post. I do thank you because the post really meant a lot to me. On a lighter note - - I was going to put this up on a separate post, but I'm just gonna throw it up in here. I think the epitaph on my headstone should read "but she had such a pretty face...." Is it just me? Has anyone else been hearing this their entire life?? "BUT YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY FACE". Okay......so the rest of me is null and void? I'm gonna take my pretty face and wipe these tears and keep stepping with my head held high. I know what I truly desire will come my way......would just love it to be sooner than later. And ya'll should know...LOL....that I usually only go down to pity city about once every three or four months and then I snap back out of it. Life is too busy and too short to be down. Thank you again, to all of you lovely ladies!


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Posted on Thu, Apr 06, 2006 23:21

It's been seven years for me. I've even consulted psychics who assure me that Mr Wonderful is right around the corner. None have been right thus far. I get frustrated. I get sad. I don't give up completly but I focus on other things. I mean if I was done with it I wouldn't be here. ....So yeah maybe the wait is because of the weight but the one you find will be worth waiting for. At least that's my hope for you and I both.


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Posted on Thu, Apr 06, 2006 14:34

diva, sweetie... I can TOTALLY relate to what you just said. Just know that you are not alone in the way your feel. I don't think most men understand how they make a larger woman feel about themselves. When you do get someone to talk to you, all they seem to want is s_x. Well, hello! There is MORE to me than what I can do with my body. Men forget that under all our weight is a real human being who is WORTH taking the time getting to know. Be who you are... not who someone tells you to be sweetie! After all... you ARE the DIVA!!!!!!


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Posted on Thu, Apr 06, 2006 13:19

Talk about laying it bare. Good on you. It's that every honest exploration that will lead you to your One. I too have found that I do not draw from as large a pool as my slimmer friends. But you know what? I have come to find it a blessing. Fact is that I am a true romantic who believes in split-a-parts. When I love I love completely and without reserve. That softer side of me is something I value and am preserving for my life partner. Thus anything that helps to keep Mr. Wrong at bay is good for me. As I was lucky enough to come of age in the pre herpes/aids era, I was able to have - shall we say my own personal sexual revolution. At the time, it was my height and skin tone rather than my weight that limited my draw, but as I was not looking for love nor even knew what that meant, it was not a problem. A little cosmic intervention, namely my son, caused me to slow my roll and really examine what I was playing at. By asking some of the same questions you are I started a journey into self that I continue to this day. Good news is that when you start to ask honest questions, the universe responds with the material you need to grow. First I discovered that by fixating on my body, I was making it worst. I leveled off the climb, and started instead to focus on how I felt in my skin. Lucky for me as I said, I am tall and God chose to put most on my junk in the trunk, that way I don?t have to see it ;o) This led to me getting fit and caring less about the fat. I got with the " if I don't love me, no one will" program. I also got selective about who I shared my life with. Once I got happy with myself the standard became if having you around makes me feel worst than when I am with myself- you have got to go! I also gave up casual sex, because I realized that it was something I no longer felt casual about. Your friends are right about not looking for love. One can not mine or find love. What they omitted to mention though was that you can and do draw love to you by being the love you seek. All too often we get so tiered of the wait, that we accept the wrong people Yes, I have gone long periods without a partner. But I have found that many of my slimmer friends who are still single and who went from relationship to relationship because they supposedly had more opportunity to do so, carry a bitterness that I do not. In high school, my size and self esteem combined to make me the girl you- shall we say played with, not the girl you dated. Then I became the girl looking for love in all the wrong places, and grabbing it in a strangle hold. Now, while I welcome love when it flows though my life, I hold it openly with the knowledge that the love I really need is inside me and available to me though the universe upon request. Given that I am not seeking just any old body, and that I am aware of self enough to know that it takes a special man to handle me, the weight serves as a way to screen out those who are not up to the challenge. The ironic thing is that when I do fall in love, I drop weight like a stone! Go figure- sexual repression is a . . . As for your question, it is mute. You should accept neither a man who loves you for your body nor feel a way when one passes because of it. It's just a shell. It is also your temple, thus you must get right with it, whatever that means for you. I just know in my soul, if you make changes in hopes of attracting a partner, one way or t'other, your on a loosing path. Fat or slim, you are still you, and that is just great! Any man who can't see that is just not your one. As for hope, it is the ember that strikes the flame of attraction. Keep it alive at all costs. Go places where you are appreciated. Open your eyes and see while you may not be attracting the man you want, there are men that are attracted to you. Let that energy be the fuel that keeps your hope alive. All that stuff your friends and family say - your pretty, your smart blah blah- get to BELIEVING it. When you get to the point that you realise that the sad part is not being alone, but rather that someone is missing out on all you have to share, you will look up-cause you have been so busy- and he will be there.


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Posted on Thu, Apr 06, 2006 10:40

Some times I feel the same way and other people offer up advice and things and all you can think about is "this is the only reason why..." but thinking it's your size is something you have to drag yourself out of. The rite man just hasn't come along. He will be their one day and won't give a dang what size you are but rather will love you because how great you are. Consider this if you have 10 men all over the world that were born to possibly be the one for you the likelihood of you finding one of the men is slim to none because of the number of people in the world, also out of the 10 how many would actually lead lives that would allow them to be what you would consider a good life partner, then how many are agreeable to having a life partner, and would you recognize one of them as your potential one and only as it if you met him? The chances of finding him are astounding but people always seem to find the rite one eventually, it just takes time,faith, and quite a bit of effort.


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