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Posted on Wed, May 03, 2006 10:46

Getting back into this dating thing has been a trip after a 6 year absence - I took time out to get right with me. Since I enjoy the culture around it, I don't complain too much. In fact, even with all the ups and downs I am actually having fun and the girl in me is feeling freed again. Now that I am getting- shall we say more mature- I am beginning to notice things I never did before. First, for all the times I have said "there are no good guys out there" I have come to realize that the truth was that I was not ready for a great guy. Second, for all the times I thought " what is wrong with me?" I now know, not a dam thing. I am perfect as I am and getting better each day. Truns out my fat behind is not as important as a healthy self worth. While there is no perfect man out there, I have no doubts that there is one that is perfect for me. It is a question of contrasts, chemistry and compatibility. Moreover, I don't have to wait to be chosen, but rather can and do choose. When I do reach for what I want- win, loose or draw- I gain the confidence to reach again and again. It is the reason I stepped into the cyber world even though I feel safer in a local context. Joining the world of cyber exploration has enabled me to get a wider perspective on the world and a better understanding of dating dynamics. I have learnt the most destructive personality is one that has no clue who they are and what they want out of life. They are usually the ones who use their space only to vent what is wrong in their world. If you don't know what you want out of life, one thing is for sure, you'll get a whole lot of what you don't want! I have found that the only safe way to deal with such a person is to stand firm on your own truths or they will get you lost. More often than not, they will fade away as they just can't handle the concept of life as a participatory sport. I have also discovered that you gain acceptance by giving it. Just because someone does not fit my definition of desirable or relationship material does not mean that there is something wrong with them. They are just in a different place than I, and my lack of interest is just the universe's way of telling me he is not the one. Just like with job search, I believe each "no" I give or receive brings me closer to the ultimate "yes!". The only challenge I still find daunting is getting at truth. First there is the issue of perception. Very few idiots/jerks/pigs know that they are such, and those who do are loath to admit it. Moreover, even regular personality quirks can cause problems. One wants to put ones best foot forward, while at the same time presenting a picture that is real. Even when one makes the effort, it does not always guarantee comprehension. I recently warned a gentleman that I was moody and had a tendency to withdraw into self when I need to process. While he seemed to understand at the time, it seems he is currently either punishing me or pouting because I took off for a few days on short notice. While I hope to get the opportunity to explain, the truth is that I will have to let go and move on if he is not willing to hear me. Fact is, I do not know what baggage he carries, and as such have no clue why he reacted the way he has. Moreover, unless he is willing to lay it out, I have no choice but to accept and move on. A shame, but such is life. In the end, the horse and water analogy comes to mind and to that end, I can only present a willing spirit and hope that others will come out to play. In the meantime I continue my search and have faith that he is looking for me too.


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Posted on Thu, May 04, 2006 12:05

Bluegirl, no one can spread sunshine all the time. Believe me when I say, though I may come off as positive, for every high I have there is a low lurking. I am just the type of person to process on the inside until I have some understanding/conclusions I feel worthy of sharing. Given the crosses you have had to bare lately, it is clear that you are a strong lady. I think if I were you, I would be off, locked in a fetal position, and hidden under my mother?s bed. The only solace I can offer is my belief that we are taken to through the valleys of life to acquire that which we will need to climb our next peaks. Given the level of pain being dished your way, one expects that there is something wonderful waiting for you around the corner. Here is praying for you and yours. And know that as a part of the community I am happy to offer any support I can.


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Posted on Thu, May 04, 2006 05:17

The issue of perception and alas, deception...the idiots, pigs, jerks...I cannot believe there are so many men desperately unhappy, yet choose the path of "idiocy and jerkdom"....I am sad that I have not met my soulmate but am strong enough to know that it is ok to be where I am...although alone...(did not say I like it but, I stand firm, too)... you have put a lot of how I feel into words.........Thanks........


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