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Men want to be Needed - Women want to be Wanted Sort by:
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aimeefla
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Posted on Sun, Aug 24, 2008 08:01

I've been talking to a brilliant g/f of mine. She just opened by eyes to something that I might have known but forgot since I've not had a relationship in nine years. Men MUST be NEEDED. When women do for themselves men pout. Isn't being wanted MUCH better than being NEEDED???????? Tell me NOW LOL LOL Aimee


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aimeefla
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Posted on Sat, Oct 04, 2008 06:38

Quoting: Originally posted by bigtom77 I had to bring this one back out since I just went thru this. I wanted to be wanted, if she needs me then I can handle that too, but if I am needed but not wanted I am not a lover, I'm a male ho being paid for what she needs with what I want. I know my ex needed me for the past 8 months she still does since she has no money and doesn't want a job but it was when she stopped WANTing me that things went down hill. Bottom line- It is ok to need a man but only be with one you want too.---Tom

Very deep Tom, very thought provoking too. I'm going to give this one lots of thought. Thanks !!!!!!! Aimee fla


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hestia1
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Posted on Fri, Oct 03, 2008 16:08

Quoting: Originally posted by bigtom77 I had to bring this one back out since I just went thru this. I wanted to be wanted, if she needs me then I can handle that too, but if I am needed but not wanted I am not a lover, I'm a male ho being paid for what she needs with what I want. I know my ex needed me for the past 8 months she still does since she has no money and doesn't want a job but it was when she stopped WANTing me that things went down hill. Bottom line- It is ok to need a man but only be with one you want too.---Tom

I have to disagree, I think that when I need a man it is because I need him to complete me, therefore in order for that to happen at least with me I have to want him in my life therefore I need him not for monetary things but for emotional and physical support. I believe that there is a big difference. there are som people that need a man to make them feel complete or to just make them feel better about themselves because someone wants them, they are called co-dependents. Needing and wanting a man are two different things in my world.


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bigtom77
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Posted on Tue, Sep 30, 2008 00:40

I had to bring this one back out since I just went thru this. I wanted to be wanted, if she needs me then I can handle that too, but if I am needed but not wanted I am not a lover, I'm a male ho being paid for what she needs with what I want. I know my ex needed me for the past 8 months she still does since she has no money and doesn't want a job but it was when she stopped WANTing me that things went down hill. Bottom line- It is ok to need a man but only be with one you want too.---Tom


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hestia1
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Posted on Fri, Sep 26, 2008 13:52

Quoting: Originally posted by aimeefla I've been talking to a brilliant g/f of mine. She just opened by eyes to something that I might have known but forgot since I've not had a relationship in nine years. Men MUST be NEEDED. When women do for themselves men pout. Isn't being wanted MUCH better than being NEEDED???????? Tell me NOW LOL LOL Aimee

OMG how so right you are, speaking as a independent woman, I know the difference between needing a man and wanting a man. I can do most anything for myself and this seems to scare men. Yes I can change my own oil in the truck, and yes I have built my own backyard deck. It seems that if I act what I have to call silly and play the blonde role men like it better. Why cant men just accept that some woman do value men for more then what they can do for us but rather for what they add to us.


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jjiggl
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Posted on Mon, Sep 01, 2008 19:29

I don't know which is better. I only know what is best for me. And what is best for me is that I need the love of my boyfriend. I need to know that I can depend on him as much as he depends on me. And the dependence is not for tangible things such as money, a place to live, a ride to the store either. I need to know that I have his love and that he knows that he has mine. The thing about it is that we don't have to tell one another all the time that we love one another. The thing is that we show one another that we love each other. That is what works for me.


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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Sat, Aug 30, 2008 04:41

I posed your question to my fiance. He says he prefers to be wanted rather than needed. He likes my independence.


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aimeefla
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Posted on Fri, Aug 29, 2008 08:44

What I've experienced is that being wanted is not as exhausting as being needed. I'm not a needy lady, I want someone in my life. Anyone that wants a to be needed is not going to be happy spending time with me. Life can be interesting. I sometimes think that the fine line between wanted to be needed and wanting someone in your life is really a very gray area. Being in a relationship, you will find that these define themselves. Then you might need to modify them for both of your to be happy. Learn something new. Say, I NEED you to fix this, instead of Would you fix it. OR I want you to fix this. It's Friday, I'm tired LOL LOL Aimee


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curvelover76
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Posted on Thu, Aug 28, 2008 12:12

Hi, Just as women are different types, so to are men. Some like the needing(such as I'm a helpless so and so without you), and others prefer women who are more independent, yet they want you. And there are times when both can apply, on either side of the gender line. I prefer want myself.


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wyldechild
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Posted on Wed, Aug 27, 2008 18:21

Quoting: Originally posted by Dirkdig Ladies,,you miss the point,,the question wasn't about you, it was about men. YES, we need to be needed,,,we need a job to do,,,a goal to reach,,that is how men think. Give me a job to do so I can show you how much I care and want to take care of you.

My, my, my, I am actually impressed by your post for once...kudos. I would agree with your assessment as well. I think women tend to forget that the male mindset is different from the female mindset. And, that the more we learn about the other gender as a whole, the more enjoyable life can be.


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truefriendinme
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Posted on Wed, Aug 27, 2008 16:24

I think independent men would prefer to be wanted, whereas a more emotionally dependent person might prefer the need. I think I would prefer a man that had a little of both in mind, but I think that's gonna be hard to find!-_True


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Katwoman1968
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Posted on Wed, Aug 27, 2008 13:43

I think every man is different.....some may want to be needed while others prefer to be wanted and some desire both. Just the same with women I suppose.


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aimeefla
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Posted on Wed, Aug 27, 2008 11:57

I think it's nice to feel needed, like Dirk said, need a guy to do a guys job. I know what jobs I can do and what I "need" a guy to do. It does not make me needy. It's just the order of the universe. Men like getting dirty and yucky for their ladies. The trick is to find a guy that understands the different between needy and being needed. Right guys? Aimeefla


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aimeefla
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Posted on Tue, Aug 26, 2008 18:40

Quoting: Originally posted by Dirkdig Ladies,,you miss the point,,the question wasn't about you, it was about men. YES, we need to be needed,,,we need a job to do,,,a goal to reach,,that is how men think. Give me a job to do so I can show you how much I care and want to take care of you.

Okay Dirkdig, I happen to agree with you from what I've seen and experienced over the past 40 years. The issue is, as an independent female, with an ego, how does this female learn to allow a guy to do jobs for her? Suggestions? advice? I can take care of me. I WANT a man in my life. BUT Men MUST be needed. G-d has an amazing sense of humor huh? I think it all comes down to the bottom line of learning to be flexible and do what your man needs, he will do what you need and want. In the end, what matters is? Aimeefla


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BLONDEGRL4U
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Posted on Tue, Aug 26, 2008 15:31

I would rather not be needed but wanted. Means more when someone wants u. When u r needed sounds like u are a SLAVE


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AmuseMe
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Posted on Tue, Aug 26, 2008 09:34

Quoting: Originally posted by aimeefla I've been talking to a brilliant g/f of mine. She just opened by eyes to something that I might have known but forgot since I've not had a relationship in nine years. Men MUST be NEEDED. When women do for themselves men pout. Isn't being wanted MUCH better than being NEEDED???????? Tell me NOW LOL LOL Aimee

I don't know how to answer this. Everytime I being to write something I change my mind about it. Maybe Quadesh has the right of it, there must be a balance between the two... Perhaps this is why marriages do not work out anymore... Men and women have both gained a sense of independence that so strongly governs the way we live our lives that we don't feel the need to stick around when the going gets' tough. Growing up as I did, with the abusive father, I can tell you that I was raised resenting men and the role they play in my life. I was totally into needy men who wound up being TOO needy... and believe me, that is a dangerous relationship to be in. Perhaps, these days, we regard needful men with apprehension because it's a show of vulnerability. Some, like me, would appreciate some vulnerability from the opposite sex... others (like my sister) think it's a show of weakness, and are therefore turned off. Boy have I gotten way off topic here. I believe the question was MEN needing to be needed. Well, I think they want both. Needed to feel validated: of some worth to someone, and wanted to feel as sexy as their EVIL PENIS' lead them to believe they are. :-)


In your rocking-chair, by your window dreaming, shall you long, alone. In your rocking-chair, by your window, shall you dream such happiness as you may never feel. –Theodore Dreiser

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Qadesh
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Posted on Mon, Aug 25, 2008 17:20

Must one always chose one from another? Can't there be some sort of ebb and flow, a balance (albeit it a delicate one) between want and need; as well as dependent and independent? When did these things become such an issue with people? At times I think that the only thing that women's liberation has done is enable us to work in and out of the home. I am not being glib or cavalier towards the women's movement. I realize the rewards I have reaped through the women that have come before me. I am comfortable with who I am, who I was, and who I am yet to be, yet I can also emphatically say that I do want to be needed as well as wanted. I just haven't decided by how many!!! Qadesh


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bluegirl2006
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Posted on Mon, Aug 25, 2008 14:37

I most definitely want to be wanted, but I guess I am an exception here, because I also want to be needed. Not needed for the housework or to raise kids or pay bills or any of that stuff. But I like to think that he needs me in his life to make his world right. Needs my love and support to come home to at night. Needs me to fulfil NEEDS that no one else can. The need for love, acceptance, comfort, hope, touch. I know that I need HIM for those same things. Could I survive without it? Maybe. I have done for a long time. Could I LIVE without it? Don't think so. Needing someone is not a sin.


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Posted on Mon, Aug 25, 2008 12:43

I tend to encounter men that act overtly independent. I would love a man that would express that he wants me or needs me, even just a little bit. There has to be be some purpose I can serve in his life that his friends, video games, right hand or TIVO can't ?


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islandgal64
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Posted on Sun, Aug 24, 2008 09:03

I totally agree - I don't NEED someone, I'm quite capable of looking after myself and have some great friends. To want and be wanted is a much different, and to me better, thing.


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