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How to Handle Rejection

Five essential dating tips to stay confident after getting denied
By Dating coach David Wygant Special!
Personals Updated: Sep 15, 2008
Dating coach David Wygant
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So there you are at the deli getting a ham sandwich, when that person you're attracted to comes and stands next to you at the counter. You've seen them over and over again, and you finally have the guts to turn and smile at them... and they do nothing in return. They almost look right through you like you don't exist.
So you grab your ham sandwich and run out of there as quickly as you can, saying to yourself, "I will never do that again. This doesn't work." Is this the best way to deal with rejection? How do you personally deal with rejection? More importantly, are you someone who believes that if you become "good" at dating you will no longer get rejected?
The dating truth is that being able to deal with rejection is the key to being successful at going out and meeting singles. It's also not the ultra-significant event so many make it out to be. So here are five essential tips on how to handle rejection, which you need to embrace if you are going to have a full and successful dating life:
1. Change Your Dating Expectations. One of the first and most important things to understand is that no matter what you do, not everybody is going to respond positively to you. Not everyone you smile at will smile back at you. Not everyone you say hello to is going to say hello back to you.
?Stop expecting a positive response 100% of the time.?
Stop expecting a positive response 100% of the time. Just because somebody did not smile back at you does not mean that you're not an attractive person or that you made a mistake by smiling. The only thing it means is that it did not work with that one person.
2. Life Is All About Rejection. Everything in life has rejection involved in it. If you're a salesperson who makes 10 sales calls, you may only get one or two people to say yes. A baseball player whose batting average is around 300 will likely end up in the Hall of Fame. A quarterback who can complete 55 percent of his passes is doing pretty well. Everything in life is about percentages. You don't quit simply because you experienced some rejection. Imagine if you stopped looking for work when your very first interview didn't result in a job offer. That would, of course, be ridiculous. Remember that you also need to keep going in your dating life when you're rejected, because you want to keep increasing your odds of success.
3. Focus on Increasing Your Dating Odds. When you feel like you are getting more than your fair share of rejections, instead of focusing on those rejections, focus on increasing your odds of success. The fact is that by playing the percentages as I mentioned above, you will be successful.
?The reason is that every time you take action -- every time you smile, say hello, or walk over and initiate a conversation -- you get better at it.?
The reason is that every time you take action -- every time you smile, say hello, or walk over and initiate a conversation -- you get better at it. If you're going to go out there and only talk to one person a day, then your chances of success are not going to be great. Increase your odds every single day and in everything you're doing.
4. Keep Things in Perspective. I hear some version of this from clients all the time: "What if I approach somebody, get rejected, and someone sees me? I'll never be able to go in that store again!" Get a little perspective here. Let me tell you something -- you're not front page news! When you're rejected, you need to just get over it. No one is talking about you. People are concerned about themselves and what is going on in their own lives, just as you are focused on what's going on in yours. So the fact that you get rejected in front of other people at the market, at the gym, or anywhere else is not a big deal to anyone but you.
5. Don't Overreact When Dating. The other thing I commonly hear from clients who have been rejected is some version of this: "I'm never going to talk to that person ever again now that I was rejected by them." This is not only a total overreaction, it is also absolutely the wrong thing to do. So you tried to talk to (or smile or look at) someone, and they didn't respond. As I mentioned above, there are a million possible reasons why that person did not respond to you. It doesn't necessarily mean that person wouldn't want to talk to you another time. If I smile at a woman and she doesn't respond, I don't play hide-and-go-seek the next time I see her. I am equally friendly to her the next time I see her, because you never know what will happen that second time. It's a different day. Put the last time behind you.
These are some ways to help you get over rejection. Realize that in order to get good at interacting with potential mates, you are going to get rejected. In fact, you want to get rejected every single day, because if you're not, it means you're not trying.
So ask yourself this: Did you get rejected today, and how can you go out tomorrow and make it an even better day than today? Learn to not only handle but to embrace rejection, and you will meet great new people and have an amazing social life.
More Dating Tips by David Wygant

* 10 Sure-fire Ways to Get a Second Date
* 10 Tips for Approaching Women
* 13 Keys to a Perfect First Date
* 3 Keys to Meeting Women
* 6 Tips for Single Moms: How to Jumpstart Your Dating Life
* 7 Dating Ups and Downs
* Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Dating 101: Are Bad Dating Habits Keeping You Single?

Five tips to free yourself from common dating traps
By Lisa Steadman, The Relationship Journalist Special Updated: Aug 28, 2008
Dating expert Lisa Steadman
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In the search for love, it's all too easy to get sidetracked by bad dates, broken hearts, and bad love habits. And while bad dates and broken hearts are part of the dating journey toward happily-ever-after, bad love habits can and should be avoided at all costs.
So what's a bad love habit? Any dysfunctional, destructive, difficult belief or habit you have towards love and relationships that's keeping you from finding, attracting, and/or maintaining a healthy relationship. The following are some common bad dating beliefs:

* You choose potential partners who are incapable of meeting your emotional needs.
* You think love has to be difficult, painful, and/or hard.
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?You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.?
You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.
* You believe time is running out on your search for love and/or your chance to have children.

If any of the above sound familiar, don't worry. You're not a lost cause. In fact, with a little time and effort, you can turn things around! What follows are five simple and effective tips and techniques geared toward helping you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad dating habits. Practiced over time, you can and will kick any bad dating habit -- for good!
1. Identify the dating traps you're stuck in
Think you've got to miraculously solve all your problems before you'll be deserving of love? Convinced there are no good "ones" left? Or do you believe that your perfect partner will one day swoop in and magically save you from your life? If any or all of the above sound familiar, chances are good that you suffer from some common dating traps. In order to become a successful single, you first need to free yourself from these traps. Acknowledging the traps you're stuck in is the first step. Next, you've got to break free of these traps, as well as any other limiting or destructive beliefs that are keeping you stuck. To find out how, keep reading.
2. Assess your excess baggage
Next, it's important to get honest with yourself about what you might be lugging around with you on dates (or in life in general). What are you holding onto that no longer serves you? Rejection, disappointment, betrayal? This is from your past, not your present or future. If you've got negative or destructive beliefs or fears weighing you down, you owe it to yourself to dump that excess baggage!
3. Dump your excess baggage
In order to have a happily ever after future, you have to first believe you deserve finding a mate. Gather those painful memories, that chip on your shoulder, any residual anger from past relationship experiences, and tell them they've got to go. Thank them for the lessons you've learned and tell them that it's now time for you to stand on your own two feet. In your mind's eye, give them the heave-ho! Next, start visualizing the kind of life you want to have, complete with your dream job, perfect partner, ideal home, etc. By getting clear about what you want, you give yourself permission to attract it.
4. Stop putting off your life and/or personal happiness
So many of us put off personal happiness waiting for some external result like "I'll be happy when I lose weight, when I pay off my debts, when I get a better job." The truth is, you deserve to enjoy your fabulously imperfect life right this very minute!
?When you stop putting off happiness, you start attracting happy people, healthy relationships, exciting and new opportunities.?
When you stop putting off happiness, you start attracting happy people, healthy relationships, exciting and new opportunities. Instead of postponing joy until something external happens, today's the day to start celebrating the joy in your everyday life.
5. Embrace a new dating vocabulary
Now that you're baggage light and dating-trap free, it's time to introduce a new vocabulary to your dating belief system. Every morning and night for 30 days, practice the following exercise: Say to yourself "Love/dating/my ideal relationship is..." and then fill in the blank with the appropriate words (words like healthy, whole, loving, fun, etc.). By creating a new vocabulary for yourself, you may be surprised at how your outlook on dating and relationships changes, and as a result, you'll start attracting happier and healthier potential partners. Love that!
So there you have it -- five simple dating tips and techniques to help you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad love habits. May you learn them, love them, live them. In doing so, you just may fall in love with your life all over again, not to mention exponentially increase your chances of future relationship success.
Good luck and happy dating!
More Related Dating Advice:

* Dating 101: Debunking the Scarcity Myth
* Four Tips for the Broken-Hearted
* Six Dating Behaviors That Scare Single Men Away
* The Worst Dating Mistakes by Men and Women

It's A Breakup, Not A Breakdown
Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist, is an expert when it comes to matters of the heart. As creator of the popular blog The Breakup Chronicles, she dispenses advice, helps people heal their broken hearts, and coaches individuals on how to become successful singles on her site. She is the author of the book "It's A Breakup, Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life -- for good!" Lisa regularly appears in the media and has been featured on The Today Show, The Tyra Banks Show, The Huffington Post and Playboy Radio.

I have been reading these blogs and they always give me cause to think things through in different ways.

This time I want to explore the question "Who's responsible for..."

1] me not trusting

2] me not letting someone into my life

3] my anger

4] my hurt

5] my loneliness

6] my well being

7] my happiness

8] finding someone to love

9] my pain

10] allowing someone to see the real me

11] my responsiblity to me

I know that it's difficult to trust again. I also know that the new person that I've allowed into my life is not responsible for my past pain, etc. I am, I'm responsible for all of my numbers. That's the bottom line. Did I cause it? I believe to some degree we do have to admit that we had a hand in it. We agreed to the relationship, good or bad.

Now that I know this, the new person in my li...
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I'm having a major discussion with a girlfriend. We want to ask the bloggers for male and female opinions.

I've just gotten to the three month mark in a new relationship ( my g/f is meeting new men also) As a result we've become exclusive and weekends are "habit forming". OLD Habits from past traditional "roles" Female make food - male eat. Female cleans up - male reads paper sort of thing.

While he is NOT asking for anything, I'm getting up and doing this on my own. He would be happy to make me breakfast, he is willing to go out if I so deem it. I am working on 'traditional" training of how to please a man, how to keep a man, how to service a man. THIS man is NOT doing that. He is cleaning up after I cook, he is going out of his way to be a true "other half" not playing the traditional cave man image.

So I want to know if anyone has dealt with the "traditional" training of the Donna Reed Show o...
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I've been reading these blogs for over a year now. We all seem to be seeking love, but what is love. Honestly I know we all have our own definition.

I know mine changed as I age (like a fine wine )

When I was a teenager, it was ROCK MY WORLD, then I wanted someone to take care of me, protect me as my Dad did.

THEN - a switch must have flipped on . I wanted a friend, a lover, a companion, a confidant, a buddy, a travel partner, someone to be my back up when I'm down. Someone that needs me,wants me, enjoys spending time with me.

My current definition of love is a comfort zone of trust, honesty and respect. Vague but also powerful. I want companionship now, I want to have someone that can occupy himself when I need alone time. I want someone that also can go shopping with me or without me and pick up the things we might need as well as bringing me something I like " just because" I also want to be able to do the same for...
More ...