Heres the history. A friend of mine, Erika, met Bob about a year ago. They went out for a month, got engaged for three days. Fought and broke it off. Then they got back together, but not engaged. They did this for the next 8 months. Each time she fought with him, left, she would meet another guy the same night.
When Erika and Bob were together, they went to dances, if he danced with anyone else she threw a fit. ( I only really know Erika's side, sorry) They broke up again the beginning of September. She wanted to go on a three state motorcycle ride with an ex boyfriend, since it was the end of the riding season in her area. Bob knew she was going, not happy about it at all, but.. he had no choice. I found out later he had decided not to ever see her again if she went on the ride.
On Sept 5th, she survived a fatal motorcycle accident. The drive died on the scene. She broke her back, shattered both legs, broke her ribs. Once they contacted her daughter, he asked her to call Bob, he went to her side. She may never walk again, he's now going to marry her so she can be put on his medical insurance policy.
He has told me that she is his sole mate, but he's also asked me why he's doing this? He calls me with updates on her condition then we stated to talk a bit. I met him when they both came for a visit in February.
What would you do? A rather convoluted situation and I've only skimmed the highlights for you here.
THanks for reading and sending me your thoughts.
You all remember the two groups of girls in high school. The ones that would and the ones that would not. There was a third group, yes you know it's true, the ones that did but they were not "hard" looking.?
I'm curious, does this "rule" still work with you guy? If a gal "does it" with you, is there no longer any reapect for her?? Is she out of the running as a partner??? Is she now a women that's in "the other group"????
I'm looking for partner - one that realizes that the trust and respect that must be forged is imperative for a solid foundation on which to build a relationship. A partner that is willing to come half way to my half way. Also understanding that sometimes we each have to make more of an effort at times. The overlapping effort gives each other strength that will build stronger bonds as time goes on for us.
I see women that make men miserable, but I refuse to be like those women. I don't like that sort of behavior. I have been told men like it because it's a challenge. I wish you all the luck in the world if that's what you want. It simply is not who I am.
I'm also making a declaration about who I am. I want to learn about you before getting involved intimately. I will refuse advances until such time as we agree there is reason to forge a one to one, serious relationship. Forgoing all others in this endeavor. If this suits you or fits into your mindset then I'd like to hear from you. I'll listen to your concepts and I'm willing to modify mine if necessary.
There is nothing better than to hear the garage door open and know it's the person you want to see and spend the rest of your life with and feel your heart patter patter just a bit. This can be the best feeling you have all day. The smile you show that person, as they walk in the door, is a welcome site after a long day away.
I?m romantic by nature and monogamous by choice.
Natalie -- asking for input and advice on this new attitude ;-)
Hi everyone, I need, yes NEED opinions, here's the scenerio.
First, I'm 60, I do as I please, BUT three friends of mine said I'm sending the wrong message to a man if I've only met him once, talked on the phone for a month and exchanged emails, its too soon and too risky to invite him to watch a movie in my home.
I say, they are right with reservations for personal judgement. They are not saying anything about a sexual encounter. They are only saying it's the wrong message. I say they are right and wrong. At my age, I've been married, dating on and off line for ten years now. I use my gut to tell me if I'm taking the risk of being mugged in my own home. That's always an issue. But if I feel the risk is minimal after meeting him for one date, then I'll do it my way. The dating game has never worked for me, not even in high school or after for that matter.¿
They feel that one should meet over time, about three weeks, four or five dates before ever inviting a man to your place. The message is i'ts okay I'm easy ! Depending on the situation, I can agree and disagree, it depends on the guy and the gal.
Now I want YOUR feelings. ( I bet the field will be split. )
I have this question, here's the scenario.
You go to a dance with the person you're dating for about four months now. Most of the people at the dance know you both as a couple. You attend this dance often.
A women comes up to my partner, asked if he wants to dance. He accepts and they get on the dance floor. He thanks her and then comes back to sit next to me.
I want to know, is this a normal thing to do? If I did not want to get up for that particular dance? Would you be upset? or just let it slide?
It does happen from time to time, each time the same. After the dance he thanks the lady and returns to my side.
I honestly don't get angry, I think it's fine actually since I was not in the mood to dance that dance.
What about the rest of you? How wwould you handle it?
What I have in mind is toys that we played with as children. What was your favorite childhood toy???
(Okay get your mind out of the ... Never mind.)
I remember metal slinkies,paddle ball,jaxs,they funky stuff, in a tube, you would put a blob on the end of a thin straw and make a lovely bubble to play with, plastic bubbles I think it was called. Dominos, those airplanes you put together, they crashed and broke, dolls of course.
What do you remember and have you found them on the internet??
I know this is from Sex and the City, then the book, now the movie is coming out. Have any of you read the book? guys and gals?
I'm reading it now, Yes I did see the Sex and the City episode as well.
How do you tell when He's/ or She's just not into you? I want to compare what you say and what the book says.
After serious & cautious consideration . . .
Your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2009!
It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!
My Wish for You in 2009
May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your debts.
May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault your lips!
May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of joy.
May the problems you had forget your home address!
In simple words . .
May 2009 be the best year of your life!!!
Aimee aka Nat !!!
I'm curious, if you're not happy being single, having trouble finding someone to spend your life with, is it wearing you down?
Are you ready to say... " the next person that walks into my life... " ??
OR resign to be single with no significant other?
What are your thoughts?
I've been thinking, with gas high, banks failing, a depression oppps sorry a recession, politics being annoying etc etc., I have lots of time to think :-)
I've heard a few guys complain about ladies that accept a date, eat, get an "emergency" call and run off. They do this over and over with different guys it seems.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOO my point is.
Dates are not dinner anymore. I wanted to get ideas from this wonderful group on non-traditional dates that are cost effective for both. I usually pay my way for the first few times.
I've done some non-traditional dates. There is no money involved just precious time spent with someone.
National parks, to see the manatees. Downtown art shows, window shopping in antique stores, walking around any quaint downtown area.
What other ideas do you for a cost effective, wonderful date experience?
How to Handle Rejection
Five essential dating tips to stay confident after getting denied
By Dating coach David Wygant Special!
Personals Updated: Sep 15, 2008
Dating coach David Wygant
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So there you are at the deli getting a ham sandwich, when that person you're attracted to comes and stands next to you at the counter. You've seen them over and over again, and you finally have the guts to turn and smile at them... and they do nothing in return. They almost look right through you like you don't exist.
So you grab your ham sandwich and run out of there as quickly as you can, saying to yourself, "I will never do that again. This doesn't work." Is this the best way to deal with rejection? How do you personally deal with rejection? More importantly, are you someone who believes that if you become "good" at dating you will no longer get rejected?
The dating truth is that being able to deal with rejection is the key to being successful at going out and meeting singles. It's also not the ultra-significant event so many make it out to be. So here are five essential tips on how to handle rejection, which you need to embrace if you are going to have a full and successful dating life:
1. Change Your Dating Expectations. One of the first and most important things to understand is that no matter what you do, not everybody is going to respond positively to you. Not everyone you smile at will smile back at you. Not everyone you say hello to is going to say hello back to you.
?Stop expecting a positive response 100% of the time.?
Stop expecting a positive response 100% of the time. Just because somebody did not smile back at you does not mean that you're not an attractive person or that you made a mistake by smiling. The only thing it means is that it did not work with that one person.
2. Life Is All About Rejection. Everything in life has rejection involved in it. If you're a salesperson who makes 10 sales calls, you may only get one or two people to say yes. A baseball player whose batting average is around 300 will likely end up in the Hall of Fame. A quarterback who can complete 55 percent of his passes is doing pretty well. Everything in life is about percentages. You don't quit simply because you experienced some rejection. Imagine if you stopped looking for work when your very first interview didn't result in a job offer. That would, of course, be ridiculous. Remember that you also need to keep going in your dating life when you're rejected, because you want to keep increasing your odds of success.
3. Focus on Increasing Your Dating Odds. When you feel like you are getting more than your fair share of rejections, instead of focusing on those rejections, focus on increasing your odds of success. The fact is that by playing the percentages as I mentioned above, you will be successful.
?The reason is that every time you take action -- every time you smile, say hello, or walk over and initiate a conversation -- you get better at it.?
The reason is that every time you take action -- every time you smile, say hello, or walk over and initiate a conversation -- you get better at it. If you're going to go out there and only talk to one person a day, then your chances of success are not going to be great. Increase your odds every single day and in everything you're doing.
4. Keep Things in Perspective. I hear some version of this from clients all the time: "What if I approach somebody, get rejected, and someone sees me? I'll never be able to go in that store again!" Get a little perspective here. Let me tell you something -- you're not front page news! When you're rejected, you need to just get over it. No one is talking about you. People are concerned about themselves and what is going on in their own lives, just as you are focused on what's going on in yours. So the fact that you get rejected in front of other people at the market, at the gym, or anywhere else is not a big deal to anyone but you.
5. Don't Overreact When Dating. The other thing I commonly hear from clients who have been rejected is some version of this: "I'm never going to talk to that person ever again now that I was rejected by them." This is not only a total overreaction, it is also absolutely the wrong thing to do. So you tried to talk to (or smile or look at) someone, and they didn't respond. As I mentioned above, there are a million possible reasons why that person did not respond to you. It doesn't necessarily mean that person wouldn't want to talk to you another time. If I smile at a woman and she doesn't respond, I don't play hide-and-go-seek the next time I see her. I am equally friendly to her the next time I see her, because you never know what will happen that second time. It's a different day. Put the last time behind you.
These are some ways to help you get over rejection. Realize that in order to get good at interacting with potential mates, you are going to get rejected. In fact, you want to get rejected every single day, because if you're not, it means you're not trying.
So ask yourself this: Did you get rejected today, and how can you go out tomorrow and make it an even better day than today? Learn to not only handle but to embrace rejection, and you will meet great new people and have an amazing social life.
More Dating Tips by David Wygant
* 10 Sure-fire Ways to Get a Second Date
* 10 Tips for Approaching Women
* 13 Keys to a Perfect First Date
* 3 Keys to Meeting Women
* 6 Tips for Single Moms: How to Jumpstart Your Dating Life
* 7 Dating Ups and Downs
* Actions Speak Louder Than Words
My friend and I were talking about how to get a man to read our profiles not just look at the pictures.
Men read maps - men read instruction manuals what else do men read and how do you create a profile that looks like an instruction manual as a profile to date a woman?
Should we outline our profile?
Should be put in number order?
do an A - B -C?
how do you make it easy for a man to look through a profile?
I really think women do read the profiles, not just look at pictures for the prettiest face and body style that they like.
Okay how ????
Dating 101: Are Bad Dating Habits Keeping You Single?
Five tips to free yourself from common dating traps
By Lisa Steadman, The Relationship Journalist Special Updated: Aug 28, 2008
Dating expert Lisa Steadman
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In the search for love, it's all too easy to get sidetracked by bad dates, broken hearts, and bad love habits. And while bad dates and broken hearts are part of the dating journey toward happily-ever-after, bad love habits can and should be avoided at all costs.
So what's a bad love habit? Any dysfunctional, destructive, difficult belief or habit you have towards love and relationships that's keeping you from finding, attracting, and/or maintaining a healthy relationship. The following are some common bad dating beliefs:
* You choose potential partners who are incapable of meeting your emotional needs.
* You think love has to be difficult, painful, and/or hard.
?You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.?
You think your potential partner is going to fix whatever you don't like about yourself or your life.
* You believe time is running out on your search for love and/or your chance to have children.
If any of the above sound familiar, don't worry. You're not a lost cause. In fact, with a little time and effort, you can turn things around! What follows are five simple and effective tips and techniques geared toward helping you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad dating habits. Practiced over time, you can and will kick any bad dating habit -- for good!
1. Identify the dating traps you're stuck in
Think you've got to miraculously solve all your problems before you'll be deserving of love? Convinced there are no good "ones" left? Or do you believe that your perfect partner will one day swoop in and magically save you from your life? If any or all of the above sound familiar, chances are good that you suffer from some common dating traps. In order to become a successful single, you first need to free yourself from these traps. Acknowledging the traps you're stuck in is the first step. Next, you've got to break free of these traps, as well as any other limiting or destructive beliefs that are keeping you stuck. To find out how, keep reading.
2. Assess your excess baggage
Next, it's important to get honest with yourself about what you might be lugging around with you on dates (or in life in general). What are you holding onto that no longer serves you? Rejection, disappointment, betrayal? This is from your past, not your present or future. If you've got negative or destructive beliefs or fears weighing you down, you owe it to yourself to dump that excess baggage!
3. Dump your excess baggage
In order to have a happily ever after future, you have to first believe you deserve finding a mate. Gather those painful memories, that chip on your shoulder, any residual anger from past relationship experiences, and tell them they've got to go. Thank them for the lessons you've learned and tell them that it's now time for you to stand on your own two feet. In your mind's eye, give them the heave-ho! Next, start visualizing the kind of life you want to have, complete with your dream job, perfect partner, ideal home, etc. By getting clear about what you want, you give yourself permission to attract it.
4. Stop putting off your life and/or personal happiness
So many of us put off personal happiness waiting for some external result like "I'll be happy when I lose weight, when I pay off my debts, when I get a better job." The truth is, you deserve to enjoy your fabulously imperfect life right this very minute!
?When you stop putting off happiness, you start attracting happy people, healthy relationships, exciting and new opportunities.?
When you stop putting off happiness, you start attracting happy people, healthy relationships, exciting and new opportunities. Instead of postponing joy until something external happens, today's the day to start celebrating the joy in your everyday life.
5. Embrace a new dating vocabulary
Now that you're baggage light and dating-trap free, it's time to introduce a new vocabulary to your dating belief system. Every morning and night for 30 days, practice the following exercise: Say to yourself "Love/dating/my ideal relationship is..." and then fill in the blank with the appropriate words (words like healthy, whole, loving, fun, etc.). By creating a new vocabulary for yourself, you may be surprised at how your outlook on dating and relationships changes, and as a result, you'll start attracting happier and healthier potential partners. Love that!
So there you have it -- five simple dating tips and techniques to help you break free of limiting relationship beliefs and bad love habits. May you learn them, love them, live them. In doing so, you just may fall in love with your life all over again, not to mention exponentially increase your chances of future relationship success.
Good luck and happy dating!
More Related Dating Advice:
* Dating 101: Debunking the Scarcity Myth
* Four Tips for the Broken-Hearted
* Six Dating Behaviors That Scare Single Men Away
* The Worst Dating Mistakes by Men and Women
It's A Breakup, Not A Breakdown
Lisa Steadman, a.k.a. The Relationship Journalist, is an expert when it comes to matters of the heart. As creator of the popular blog The Breakup Chronicles, she dispenses advice, helps people heal their broken hearts, and coaches individuals on how to become successful singles on her site. She is the author of the book "It's A Breakup, Not A Breakdown: Get over the big one and change your life -- for good!" Lisa regularly appears in the media and has been featured on The Today Show, The Tyra Banks Show, The Huffington Post and Playboy Radio.