Hello fellow BBW's and BHM. Today I would like to get a blog going about dating sites in general, honesty in the dating game and fulfilling your relationship goals.
My experience is I meet men who say they are interested in me or getting to know me, but then they will not make the time to talk to me or visit me. I will change my schedule, cut myself short of sleep and make a sincere effort to get to know someone. If men want love why do they close the door when it's right in front of them ?
There are certain milestones of a relationship that make for memories that never leave your heart and mind.
When you think about a special past or current relationship, what were / are The Best Times ?
- I think about the nervousness felt and intensity of a first kiss
- Phone conversations that seemlessly transcend time
- Feeling giddy when in a store and see something that inspires me to wear it for him, cook it for him or visit it with him
- The flattery he feels when he leaves an article of clothing over my house and sees that I like it and am wearing it
- When he keeps a note or card I sent him a long time ago because he is sentimental
- The time when we are so comfortable in bed together that we can laugh together and feel 100% comfortable walking around naked
- Going to a movie for the first time and wondering if he is going to hold your hand or put his arm around you
- Watching him make dinner / BBQ for you for the first time and whatching how hard he is trying to impress you
- Taking that first pic of you 2 together and looking at it constantly
I know there are a million more - Help me out Ladies and Gentlemen !
Tell me what true love, happiness and Romance are made of !
At the ripe old age of 32, I am now finding that it is taking me longer to heal from a break up - Even short unsubstantial ones. I can be with a man for 3 months and it will take me about that same amount of time to get over him and get back on my feet again. The men on the other side of this equation seem to bounce back immediatley as if all the time we spent, the bond of intimacy shared and the words and promises spoken have amounted to nothing.
During my time "on my own" I can sometimes get down on love and feel like I just want to close myself off from the world. I also feel like with each failing relationship I am less trustful of the next man. Sometimes I look toward the future and the possiblity of never getting married, and never having children and feel ok with that because as long as I stay closed up no one can hurt me, no one can waste my time or disguard my feelings. Then on the other hand I think about going through the rest of my life without ever being loved and I feel like life would not be worth living - even with a great job, a beautiful home and stock of friends. I would feel like my existance would be robotic - Just going through the motions of a life "alive" but my "life" would only exist in theory....
Is this normal? Will it take even longer to get over relationships as I get older?
For the men - Why at times can you turn your emotions off like a light switch and never look back ?
Greeting to All. In our quest throughout life to connect with people on an intimate level, when we encounter rejection, obstacles or loss of that partnership it is normal when in the midst of the following solitude to reflect and focus inward on what contribution we had made to the demise of the relationship.
In the past I had wondered if being a larger woman was automatically a handicap I had to deal with in terms of how much harder it might be to find a man who would not see it as one. At times I blamed my youth and lack of experience or worldliness as an excuse for success with the opposite sex. When alot of women are alone they can think clearer and in that zone they are the rationally thinking, confident and independent woman that they are...until we get swept into a relationship and "The Stranger" comes to the forefront.
In terms of myself, my stranger appears after a few months with a man. She is virtually impossible to win over. She is 100% emotion and I find her saying and doing things in the name of attraction or love that if I was an outsider looking in, I would describe her as weak, desperate, insecure and overly accomidating.
I am not saying I turn into a brainless robot when I have feelings for a man, I am saying the side of me with the lesser judgement takes over. I find myself giving too much and then hurting too much when the desired reciprocation is nonexistant. I can recall situations where a man has gotten bored with me and distanced himself from me and I lost it. I became someone that I never am on a day to day basis. I was crying, leaving 3 or more voice messages and emails a day only to find instead of him listening to what I had to say and connecting with my hurt and attachment to him, he was turned off and closed his heart. It is only after I have an episode like this that the stranger makes her exit, leaving me to sit amongst the aftermath of the whirlwind catastrophe I just created. At that point I can sit and lay blame inward or project outward, but the fact remains that it is too late and the damage is done.
I brought this topic up because we are so strong when we are single. We are confident about our worth and our bodies and the valuable contribution we can to make to someone's life given they materialize and earn it. Then we get into a relationship and a few months down the road some of us start feeling self conscious begin over compensating for things that we don't lack but have begun to doubt ourselves and believe that we do.
What gives "The Stranger" life ? Why if we are level headed enough in all of our daily conduct does this other side even surface ? Have you ever "lost yourself" when in a relationship ? If anything, when in a relationship aren't we supposed to feel even better about ourselves because having someone's love an attention is justification and testimony to the fact that we are good people ?
Greetings to all.
Have you or what would you do if you had the following happen to you in a relationship. I will begin by setting the stage :
You are with a man for several months, there is a strong chemistry between you two. You talk everyday if not every other day. He gets to the point where with the utmost sincerity he tells you he loves you and wants to marry you and have a child with you in the long term. He experiences a hardship in his life that is taking some of his attention from you and bringing him emotionally down(In this case his father is very ill and possibly dying). Then one day you screw up. Big. You get a bit naggy about not enough time spent like you used to have and then you ask him a question or make a remark that is insulting, or insensitive and fills him with rage. You apologize like mad and even cry but he doesn't talk to you for three days. Then it becomes 3 weeks, before you know it a month has passed. You send him emails, leave phone messages...but no response. You even try to appeal to the things that used to guarenteed capture his attention and make him happy and feel better like sending him sexy photos of yourself or talking about upcoming events that you two had your hearts set on going to together...but still no response at all. What do you do? Now, I know most of you ladies out there are thinking "Heck, after 1 week I would of just said he ain't worth it and moved on" However that is easier said then done. I mean, a woman needs CLOSURE. If a man don't want to be with us what is the big deal about him coming out and just saying it? Why does he thing that ignoring us until we just go away is the right thing to do? More than that, how can a man say that you are the one for him and then the minute 1 thing makes him mad (large or small) he is ready to chuck it all as if anything said or shared was meaningless. I am not talking about a player guy or a young guy, but a mature adult. I mean, nobody came with instructions and at some point in the first 6 months of a relationship you will mis-step and say or do something that will irritate, insult or make the other mad, but I thought if the 2 people are serious about the relationship then anything can be worked out and resolved. Then you can take your lessons in tow and move back on to the good times. Now, on the other side of things, despite being ignored for a month I still feel love for him, I still miss him and want him. I even forgive him for the way he has acted because I lost my manners and set this thing in motion. However I still feel that as adults if he felt for me as he said that there has to be a point where he "gets over it" or is at least willing to work it out and move on. This behavior is new to me and I agree it is immature, cowardly and unacceptable...but perhaps I just don't understand the magnitude of what I said to him and my lack of empathy while he was going through a personally tramautic event. Is it possible that the little inncocent words that rolled carelessly off my tongue have reversed months worth of time spend,love,future plans and ended what I though was a solid relationship forever? Can love be negated that easily? Have we come into a day and age in relationships where is just "isn't worth it" to patch up the cracks and flaws between us?
I though things like cheating, violence/abuse, illegal activity and stuff like that were the only real relationship deal breakers....am I wrong?
Has anyone experienced this?
For the men out there - have you ever went from hot to cold on a girl in the flip of a coin like that and then just decided to ignore her and hope she goes away without even saying anything? Without even wanting to work things out? If so, why?
Do you think that maybe the man just needs time alone, time to regroup and get over the situation? Is leaving phone messages and emails making things worse even though my messages say sweet/loving things like "I miss you" and "I hope you are ok" ? I have not said anything hostile, negative or logged any complaints since "the situation". I have left messages of some sort about once a week.
Personally, I am dying inside. It is not easy for me to open up and trust men or give my heart or body. I also an not an active dating type. I do not like dating. I just want 1 man that I can make my world and end the whole dating things forever. So, to think that I have to pick myself up and just start from scratch again meeting someone new, perhaps trying a few people on to see who has the right fit and then having to get to that point again where I am willing to trust them and bear my heart and soul is not something I look forward to doing or want to do. I don't want to give up on him, especially if I am way off in my assumption and in reality this is all related to his personal issues and the depression and emotional strain those are causing him. Perhaps my issue was just the feather that landed on the whole hay pile and brought it crashing down. I think my position as one's girlfriend is to not abandon them when they are already down. I need to stand strong and let him know I am still here, whenever he is ready to talk, or needs a friend...but time is passing, I am in the dark and don't know what the true reason is or what I should do.
Sorry this was so long.
It was communicated to me in not so many words that every man I have ever had and have in my life that I consider a friend is not truly my friend. These men have hidden agendas - married or in a relationship - and would jump at the chance to have sex with me if I turned my back one day and my drawers accidentally dropped right to the floor! For some, I was told it is merely a waiting game. They will play the part of friend until one day an opportunity to get it comes fourth.
I personally have mainly had male friends since I was just a little kid. I just got along with men better, I dig their humor and candidness and loved to hang with them. We could talk about anything..sex, the girls they liked, cars, life...etc. I had a harder time establishing genuine bonds with women because so many were mean or selfish and there was a lot of games, backstabbing and drama.
So I was then informed that because of this secret agenda that men have, when people are boyfriend and girlfriend that both of them should not have friends of the opposite sex.
So, for the ladies..Do you have male friends and if so can you trust that they are REALLY just friends? If given the chance, would they want more with you? If you asked your male friend if he would get with you if given the chance and he said yes..could YOU still be comfortable being friends knowing this?
For the men...Do you agree with this?
For both..If you are involved with someone to any romantic degree is it ok to have friends of the opposite sex?.
Educate me people....
This message comes with a warm hello and a big hug to all. I have been away for a while, sorting through things, facing realities and accepting my life for what it is.
I would also like to welcome the new members of the blog to our circle of friends. The blog page has entertained many topics that have proven spiritually uplifting, theraputic and inspirational to all. You are now one with some of the most caring, thoughtful, intelligent and special people I have ever had the pleasure of interacting with.
The purpose of this blog today is to share with you some of my experiences and extend hope to those that may being currently weathering the storm and feeling alone, hurt, rejected, unloved, lonley, insignifigant, used, or abandoned...Especially at this time of year and the memories and feelings that surface during the holidays.
Please feel free to search my user name and review some of my older blogs from when I first joined the site and was working though a lot of questions and feelings. The response was overwhelming and it was through this forum that I realized, I was not truly alone and someone did care.
I am 32 years old, never married and no kids. I live alone with my 2 cats and my life consists of a repitiscious robotic like monotony as I bouce between work, home and little else. One of my many dreams I had as a kid was just to grow up,get married to a man that I could love unconditionally and shower with all the love, attention and appreciation I can for life and together we would build a family and be happy. Doesn't seem to far fetched does it ? Well, for some reason that has been an unatainable goal for me. I tend to meet men that are flakes, jaded from past relationships or noncommital. I make it a point to tell a person upfront the level of realtionship I am looking for and I even present an approxiamte timeframe to weed out the men who just want to date forever or are not interested in a serious relationship. However, they always tend to find me and fly under the radar and leave me with nothing but wasted years and a broken heart. My favorites are the ones who say they want what I want at first and then later, after I am invested in them "change their minds".
I decided to try online dating in May of this year. I signed up for about 5 sites including this one. I chatted with some and met a few others. I then got to the point where I became discouraged and lost interest in even looking for anyone. At times I looked inward and said " What is wrong with me? Am I dumb, hideous or unworthy of receiving a genuine partner? Am I meant to be alone?" Needless to say, I withdrew, became introverted and was absorbed in thought.
I have learned a few things that I would like to pass on to you. First off, you cannot offer another person 100% of who you truly are and all you have to offer if you are not happy with yourself. You have to get to the point where you are comfortable being single and you can be at peace with your own company.If you do not love yourself of feel that you are worthy of being loved then how can another?
Secondly, a relationship/partner should be viewed as a compliment to you life. Not your life. You had a life before you met him or her, and even as 1 unit you will alway have your individuality and be of your own mind. We can go for the rest of our lives alone, but the fact that there is something missing is obvious. Love is the missing piece, but it is only ONE piece of the total puzzle, which is you.
Third,if you are lonely and bored and have too much time on your hands to think about what you do not have then you need to pick up some hobbies. Embrace this time as an opportunity to go new places, try new things, get lost in the little things that in the past you were too busy to do. There are times whe I am low on cash, or don't have a car and I go through my closet and try on different clothes and play dress up. The point is I find ways to fill my time and I have fun.I also like to write poetry and that has proven a great outlet for my feelings.
Fourth, attitude is everything. Focus on the positive, highlight the things in your life that ARE going right. When you address the bad things look at it from a different angle, such as putting together a plan to get to a better place. Then you you can feel glad knowing that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.
Convince yourself that you CAN do this, you WILL do this it is only a matter of time and you will get there.
Lastly, I also realized that patience and hope is key. Would you rather be alone for a year or 2 and then the person you meet is the greatest thing that has happened to you and he/she is that missing piece to make you whole and be the love of your life ? or would you rather have many dates/relationships or interactions within those 2 years that have only led to nothing but wasted time, heartbreak, frustration and regrets ? I found that a good, loving, genuine, quality mate IS out there but they are few and far between. Thus it will take time to find that special person. So, knowing that do not be discouraged or lose hope. You deserve the best, and it is definitely worth waiting for. You will someday look back on these times and smile. If you could know now what will happen in the future, you could relax and make much better use of your time. Well, I am in a sense from the future, I have been there and I am back to tell you the best is yet to come....
I went to party this past weekend with a girl friend of mine. We were approached by a " swinger " couple.
Have you ever had a 3 some or orgie ?
If so, was it as erotic and as pleasurable as you had imagined it to be ?
Were there any jealousy issues ?
Did you select a stranger or a neutral friend ?
Most men seem to regard the menage a trois as a fantasy on a pedestal. Can a man ever really be content with having just one woman once he has had the opportunity to have a few at once ?
Ladies, have you fantasized about 2 men and you ? Have you made it a reality ? If so...Do tell ! What was it like ?
I have thought about it but finding 2 men that are comfortable being so close to one another is difficult ! LOL !
Have you ever met a guy that you thought was pretty straight laced only to later discover he had a weird fetish ?
Have you ever come home to find you man dressed in your lingere ?
Have you ever been woken up to your man rubbing your foot all over his face ?
Come on ladies, I know you've seen some interesting things !
I'll share a few. In 11th grade, I was still a virgin and all the kids my age did was make out. So I got with this guy and we were at his house making out on the couch. Everything was cool until his hands were on my lower back and I though he was just going to feel up my butt, however he didn't - he pulled my underwear up out of my pants and gave me a wedgie/murphy like you'd never believe. He was not trying to be a joker or rip my drawers off..he was just being freaky ! Needless to say that runied the mood and I left and never returned.
I met a guy once at a bar that told me he had duct tape wraped around certain areas of his body like a strip around his calf, a strip on one of his butt cheeks, a strip on his belly and he said that it turned him on to have a woman rip them off him....
I read in a magazine about a guy putting cream cheese on his (P) and coaxing his dog to come and lick it off. ( LOL ! )
and last but not least, I saw on Jerry Springer show a man that's turn on was to make love to stuffed animals ( He was called a Plushy ) Now, some say that show is fake, but I seriously believe that fetish exists !
I have seen and experienced what I refer to as the " Tug of War " in relationships.
Man pulls on rope to get the things he wants and needs. Woman falls easily and gives in to showering the man with attention, love, flexibility, time. The woman then pulls the rope to get back in return some of what she has given and the man has a tight grip on it and she cannot get it. Men have a problem making time, being attentive, acknowledging feelings and commitment.
Why ? I thought maybe those were just signs of a man who is not into a woman, but I am finding more and more men like this....
Why is it easy for women to give and fall so quickly but hard for men ?
No need to save this one for holiday inspiration...
My last blog was deleted for being too naughty. I am persistant so I shall try it again, just under different wrapping paper.
When I say (P) that stands for the male part. When I say (E) that stands for what the (P) does when it is happy..... : )
For the ladies out there that are mad about a nice (P)!
If a man hugs you or is dancing up against you and then you feel and (E) - Would you be offended or turned on ? ( and yes I understand if it was like your grandpa that would totally creep you out, I'm talking a friend or someone you actually like )
Is bigger better ? Or is it really all about the " motion in the ocean " ?
Do you have any " tell-tales " you use to try to figure out how big/long a man's (P) is ? (Like how big his hands or feet are)
Do you prefer a " snipped " (P) or an unsnipped (P) ?
Do you " go downtown " on a man just to infulence him to do it to you ? Or do you actually derive pleasure from it ?
What do you think about
" enhancement " products ? Do they work ? Would you want to be with a man who needed them in order to be (E) ?
What would you do if you took things slow, got to know a person, and waited months upon months to consumate and then you finally do and in that moment of truth his (P) is really small, ugly looking or he has (E) disfunction ! ( not all at once )Would you still stay with him ?
You've met someone. Conversation is great, compatibility is evident and sparks have flown. However there are questions in your head that you might be afraid to blurt out - What are we ? Where are we going with this " thing " ? Should I stop looking and focus on you ?
I have met quite a few men who just want to take it as it comes and " go with the flow ". They do not want to put a time frame on love, marriage..FOREVER. However for women like myself we need answers. We are ok to wait months to meet a man or months for things to progress but in exchange we at least need to have some sort of acknowledgement of direction stated by the man. We need to feel like we are at the same emotional level with the man and are working toward a common goal.
It is hard to come right out and ask a new relationship if he wants to be exclusive with you or still flirt, date or consider others.
What do you think ? When is an appropriate time to talk about being exclusive ?
When engaged in internet dating is is wiser to not put all of your eggs into one basket and rather keep several options going for months until one of them steps up to the plate and makes a formal declaration ?
I would also like to hear from the people who are on their way to getting married and the folks who have met someone and might be at that point now or who have passed it.
Thank you for your time !
(Photo-Super Sexy Robert Downey Jr)
Hello to all in the big and beautiful circle !
I think another benefit we can get from this site is not only to find friends, pen pals, and love but also someone who can be our partner and inspiration in our weight loss goals. Perhaps someone to help us stay motivated and inspired.
So, is anyone here working on a weight loss goal ? Or does anyone have motivational feedback to share in relation to their own weight struggles and accomplishments ?
Does anyone have any excercises that have greatly benefited you that you would like to share with us all ?
What do you think about being a friend with benefits ? Does it compromise your self respect ? Does it make you seam easy ?
How do you know when you are just a friend with benefits ? - Is there a discussion that takes place to let you know you've made the grade physically but yet you're not good enough to be his Girlfriend ????!!!!
Does it really hold true BENEFITS ? There has to be more pleasure to being alive than just sex (I keep telling myself : ) ) Isn't there ?????
I come from an upbring where the woman was the head of the household in the sense that she
" Ruled the Roost ". My grandma and mother were strong, dominant women and their husbands were more on the passive side. I came out totally different as I am the cat and like a man to be strong and dominant and lead me. I do for some reason attract passive men, though..LOL !
Are there any women here that are strong, confident and like to be in control ? If you are with a man who would like you to lead and initiate things are you into taking the wheel ?
Sexually speaking, do you like to be a bit rough ?
Ok, we talk a lot about love and the search for a substantial relationship on these blogs. However let's pull the shades down for a monent, slip into something more comfortable and open up to the secret desires that are erupting within us all.
I feel a bit comfortable around you folks to share a few intimate details about my life, such as I have been single for almost 2 years now. A large portion of that time was by choice as I needed to heal from my long term relationship break up. The rest of the time was me getting my mind and heart back online so that I could be 100% the person a person would like to be with.
So here is the discussion I spark - When engaging in the dance of getting to know a person you just met...How do you control the beast within that just wants to sexually obliverate your date ? How do you keep your hands off his sexy body and keep your drawers from falling off ? How do you play the non threatening role and leave a kiss at a kiss when you truly want to swallow them whole ?
How can you be good when deep down you want to be soooooo bad ?
Hello to all of you special people !
Just wanted to thank you for enjoying my blogs or being stirred enough by them to push me to the gold for a week. I wasn't even looking at how many comments I got - I just really wanted all of your feedback.
So, if you are interested in what I have been doing, here is an update.
I sent off some " hello " emails to people that have winked at me or commented on my blogs. I went and sent like 15 emails to various ladies in the Las Vegas area to work on getting that super sexy BBW crew together. I also had a good time enjoying the extra things I can do being a member such as seeing who has viewed my profile. Isn't it interesting when someone views your profile but then doesn't take it beyond that? They must of read something that they felt wasn't compatable or something that turned them off.
I also think it is interesting when women look at me. Why are you looking at me ? I admit when I first got on I checked out the local ladies to see what the competition was..LOL ! There are so many gorgeous, kind and generous ladies on here. So the competition is stiff !
Anyway, I am sorry to just babble, I actually do have a topic question. There are certain profiles that do not appeal to me and I just pass them by without even clicking on them to find out about the person. I just wanted to get some feedback on what is a deal breaker right out the gate with you.
For example :
If a man does not have a photo, I am less likley to click on the profile to find out about him. Additionally a person's
" introduction phrase " can also set the tone for me and possibly be a glimpse into what they are about..such as if they say
" Looking for a Naughty BBW to make me their love slave " Well, then I know that guy is just looking for sex or cheap thrills or a mother figure..LOL !. Also if you do get beyond that and click on to see the profile and see that he has no preferences and doesn't say hardly anything about himself....then I question his level of seriousness.
Can I be so bold as to put Mr. Butterbll on front street ? I want to use him as an exapmle, so class pay attention - there will be a quiz in the morning ! His phrase is " Smile ...you will use more muscles that way " How can that not make you smile ? That is a prime example of a great phrase. Also his photo is appropriate and friendly. He is not all naked covered in oil snapping a shot in front of his PC in some dark creepy room that looks like his basement. So kudos to you !
What do you think ? I am sure there will be people that read this that will benefit greatly from this feedback because all of our goals is to make connections.....Right ? So help those good men and women out there to at least be in the running !
Hello All !
Sometimes we can confuse someone who is being " nice/friendly " with someone who likes us more than a friend. Also, with most everyone wanting to take it slow and start out as friends, how do you know if there is the level of click, spark and attraction that will eventually take you beyond friends ? I know when I like someone more than a friend, but how can I tell if he feels it too ? Back in the day it was more obvious....if he talked a lot, or touched your hand while talking, or walked close to you, or smiled a lot, or complemented you a lot. That would be easy indications that he's feeling me. However I have met many men who are quite reserved in every way. In some cases I would not have even guessed that they were looking for a partner if I did not find them on a dating site.
I even had a guy a loooong time ago who was always calling me and wanting to hang out every free moment and he would touch me on my arm when talking and we'd laugh and he'd smile on and on - So I thought that he wanted to be a couple. So I kind of asked him if he wanted to be and he was like, "no we're just friends. I just think you are so fun and cool to hang out with - you're like the sister I never had !" I was mortified and felt soooo stupid. He gave me every signal in my mind that pointed towards wanting to be my boyfriend, but I was wrong.
So those are the 2 opposite ends of the spectrum I have experienced.
What are your experiences ladies ?
And for the men, how would you show a lady that you wanted to be more than just friends if you are not the talkative or bold type ?
Being with you...
Is like opening the window for the first time after a long, hard winter and letting the fresh air dance about my hair and caress my shoulders, for your company warms my heart.
Being with you...
Is like running through a field of endlesss beauty and stopping only to catch my breath, for you make me feel so carefree and happy.
Being with you....
Is like closing my eyes and laying my head upon a satin pillow, for you fill me with dreams and peace.
Being with you...
Is like swimming in a light blue ocean and gliding across the calm waves, for your smile lifts me up and I find myself sinking into you.
It is impossible not to smile
I am electrified by your touch,
I have found solice in your eyes
and the mere thought of you makes me blush.
If this is all a dream, don't wake me
I want to lose myself this way,
begin a new chapter with you beside me
and in my heart you'll always stay.