Ok folks, here's my delimma..
I am head-over-heels for this guy I have worked with for the past 4.5 years! RIGHT from the beginning, his personality totally intrigued me. The only problem is, I have never asked a guy out. This guy is 12 years older than me, but we get along SO well...I am mature, and so is he...But he's fun at the same time...And, while I want to believe there is chemistry there, I also know he's a very friendly, genuine person and it wouldn't be in his nature to be rude to someone for no apparent reason.
Well, I know its stupid, but I couldn't help myself. I left a note on his car one night after work saying I had enjoyed going out with him and a bunch of other co workers (a few nights prior) for bowling. I also said, "we should so that again sometime soon" and I signed my name and left my number. He hasn't called me...Which is an obvious indicator, but at the same time, it seems like he's been much more friendly toward me! He doesn't avoid me, he actually makes it a point to talk to me or say "hi" every time I see him!
I think about him constantly. I could SEE myself with him, or someone LIKE him. I've put the ball in his court. We're all going out for my birthday this Friday (the 13th...ick) so we'll see what happens. ANY SUGGESTIONS??? I'm crazy about him and I don't know what to do...
I recieved a nice, polite message on myspace from a guy in Tacoma a few days ago asking if he could add me as his friend and hopefully get to know me a little more...Well, after exchanging phone numbers, we chatted some and were beginning to get to know one another...Well, I go to call the dork tonight to see what he was up to but he didn't answer. So then, a few minutes later I get a call back from his house phone...I pick up only to hear a female voice who proceeded to tell me that her BOYFRIEND was not single, and that they had been together for only a month or so. So, I have deleted everything from him and I will no longer be in contact with this jerk-face EVER AGAIN.
All I ever seem to attract are LOSERS who think I'm some type of stupid, trashy chick who will take what she can get. Just because I am not a size 4 doesn't mean I'm never going to meet a really awesome guy someday. And, I know it seems silly for me to say something like that, but just based off of observation, [some] men seem to have this funny notion in their minds that "big girls" have really low self-esteem. Well, newsflash guys, I am not one of those women.
Hello? Do I give off that vibe or something? I've really had a problem with this laitly... Which leads me to believe I may never meet the man of my dreams and I will end of settling for less than what I know I'm worth (someone smack me if that happens, please).
This has to be the most frustrating thing in my life so far. I'm beginning to really see what I want out of life, discovering EXACTLY who I am, learning more about myself everyday...I just don't understand what I've done to deserve this type of negative feedback. I am not a bad person, I try so hard to apply the golden rule to every single part of my life, but it just never seems to pay off.