I've been popping in from time to time and I see a lot of new people as well as old friends and I thought I'd throw out an ice breaker question....plus I'm genuinely curious.
When in the "throws of passion," are you a screamer or quiet as a church mouse?
I thought I'd poke my head in and see how everyone is. I still haven't renewed my membership but I'm thinking about it.
So what's new in your life?
I've got a new job that I love but I feel like I'm working myself to death. I have to pay my dues for a while but I got that promotion that I was looking for so I won't complain too much. :)
I haven't wrtten anything lately and my book is stalled. I just haven't felt inspired lately. So, here I am again...hoping for some inspiration. It'll come sooner or later, of that I'm sure.
Well, it's late and maybe I'll try to go to sleep again. I'd love to call my buddy Neal right now but I think that might not go over too well (because of the time...it's almost midnight). LOL So Neal, just know I'm thinking of you though the timing never seems to be right these days. :)
Ok, my membership expired 01/22/08 and I'm not in the position to renew it yet. Sorry I've been distant but a lot of things have happened lately. Some good and some very bad. The good news is that I've got a new job and start Monday at Northrop Grumman. I can't talk about the bad yet but I'm really trying to work through it. As usual, I wrote a poem. lol I don't expect you to like it but it definitely sheds some light on how I'm feeling. That which doesn't kill me, makes me stronger...I hope.
I Surrender
Chaos and turmoil define life
Love exists in finite measures
Happiness is just an illusion
Hate threatens to rule all life
Violence lurks in every corner
Praying on the innocent
Destroying everything in its wake
But life continues in its frailty
Threatening to collapse at any moment
We crawl along the path alone
Praying for peace and understanding
Searching for resolution t... More ...
Ok, my membership expired 01/22/08 and I'm not in the position to renew it yet. Sorry I've been distant but a lot of things have happened lately. Some good and some very bad. The good news is that I've got a new job and start Monday at Northrop Grumman. I can't talk about the bad yet but I'm really trying to work through it. As usual, I wrote a poem. lol I don't expect you to like it but it definitely sheds some light on how I'm feeling. That which doesn't kill me, makes me stronger...I hope.
I Surrender
Chaos and turmoil define life
Love exists in finite measures
Happiness is just an illusion
Hate threatens to rule all life
Violence lurks in every corner
Praying on the innocent
Destroying everything in its wake
But life continues in its frailty
Threatening to collapse at any moment
We crawl along the path alone
Praying for peace and understanding
Searching for resolution that may never come
Surrendering everything we were
Surrendering everything we are
Surrendering everything we may become
This is the price we all must pay
I surrender...
I've been experiencing writer's block with all of things going on in my life. But a good friend helped me to get back into the swing of things. I'm not sure this can be considered a poem (it's more me venting) but it's the first step in the right direction. What do you think?
Thank you Nat! :)
The Layoff
Once again life spirals out of control
Christmas vacation was great
But the first day back was hell
The company no longer wants me
Or needs me so they say
Do I yell and scream and say it's unfair?
Or do I just hang my head and stalk out?
I collected my things and accepted my fate
Refusing to bow in shame
I walked to my car in a daze
And got in with a shake of my head
How could I have been so wrong?
Well, I had high hopes for 2008 but so far it's off to a really rocky start. I went back to work yesterday (first day back from vacation) and guess what? They laid me off. I know it was coming, honestly I'm surprised. I'm tired of the bureaucratic BS. I outlived my usefulness and I was threat because of things that I knew (things they weren't comfortable with).
Anyway, I haven't freaked out yet. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I'm feeling that I have several doors that may be opening...the possibilities are almost palpable. So, I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying. Maybe this is the big break I've been waiting for... But we'll see.
Ok, I'm done venting. I'm really not too upset about it (maybe I'm just in denial) but I've got a good feeling despite the bad. :) Have a great day everyone!
I sent some of my work (writing samples) to a publisher and they hooked me up with an agent that wants to sign me and says I have excellent potential. I'm on my way to getting published (I've got my foot in the door). Woooohooooo!!!! :) LMAO
Ok, I think I've aged another 10 years...I can feel the gray hair growing in quickly. lol
Not only was I sick Wednesday and had to stay home from work (though I felt like crap I was really glad not to be a work with all the crap going on there)....but then I got a call about 4pm saying that my Mom had passed out at work and they admitted her to the hospital. The good thing is that she's out now but they did find a heart problem so now we're waiting to find out how bad it is. (I'm praying it's nothing major)
So my point for this blog is to say that, though I'm not a religeous person...I am a Christian and I've been doing a lot of praying lately. I've definitely got more than I can handle. I've gone back to the same prayer that I've said a few times in my life when things were unbearable and I felt like I would crumble to pieces....
"God, I can't handle all of this. It's too much to bear. I'm giving you my troubles and I trust you to help me t... More ...
Ok, I think I've aged another 10 years...I can feel the gray hair growing in quickly. lol
Not only was I sick Wednesday and had to stay home from work (though I felt like crap I was really glad not to be a work with all the crap going on there)....but then I got a call about 4pm saying that my Mom had passed out at work and they admitted her to the hospital. The good thing is that she's out now but they did find a heart problem so now we're waiting to find out how bad it is. (I'm praying it's nothing major)
So my point for this blog is to say that, though I'm not a religeous person...I am a Christian and I've been doing a lot of praying lately. I've definitely got more than I can handle. I've gone back to the same prayer that I've said a few times in my life when things were unbearable and I felt like I would crumble to pieces....
"God, I can't handle all of this. It's too much to bear. I'm giving you my troubles and I trust you to help me through them. I can't and I don't want to do it it alone. Please help me."
And you know what? No miracle happens...but somehow it becomes bearable. And that's how I've survived through some horrible tragedies. The point is not to be sad but to know that you're not alone. That which doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.
Ok, so I didn't really mean to get so personal but I felt I needed to share.
When all else fails, I resort to music. Here's my favorite song by Jars of Clay. The words in print don't make quite the impact the song itself does but I thought I'd share anyway.
Worlds Apart
I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love
to give and die
To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
more deeply than the oceans,
more abundant than the tear
Of a world embracing every heartache
Can I be the one to sacrifice
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees
All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me
Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dullen nails that still remains.
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dullen nails that still remains
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart
Written by Jars of Clay
Copyright ? 1995 BridgeBuilding Music (BMI)/
Pogostick Music (BMI). All rights reserved.
Ok, it's almost midnight, I have to be at work at 7am, and I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. A lot has happened this week so it's probably because I can't make my mind relax.
My supervisor, Rick, who I adore was admitted to the Hospital Tuesday. He has multiple blood clots and they think he has pancreatic cancer. If he does have it then chancew are it's too late to try and cure him because this is a very bad type of cancer (by the time it he actually shows symptoms...it's too late. I really hope this is wrong.
I still need to put up my Christmas lights, the company christmas party is Sat. and I have another party to take my daughter to on Sunday. Needless to say it will be a very busy weekend.
I'm going stag to the company party, again. I'm ok with it but I am disappointed. Why is it hard to find a date? I wasn't even really looking for a "romantic" date...I would've been happy with a friend to share it with. I've got this gorgeous... More ...
Ok, it's almost midnight, I have to be at work at 7am, and I can't sleep no matter how hard I try. A lot has happened this week so it's probably because I can't make my mind relax.
My supervisor, Rick, who I adore was admitted to the Hospital Tuesday. He has multiple blood clots and they think he has pancreatic cancer. If he does have it then chancew are it's too late to try and cure him because this is a very bad type of cancer (by the time it he actually shows symptoms...it's too late. I really hope this is wrong.
I still need to put up my Christmas lights, the company christmas party is Sat. and I have another party to take my daughter to on Sunday. Needless to say it will be a very busy weekend.
I'm going stag to the company party, again. I'm ok with it but I am disappointed. Why is it hard to find a date? I wasn't even really looking for a "romantic" date...I would've been happy with a friend to share it with. I've got this gorgeous dress and nobody to wear it for (I feel like cinderella with no prince waiting for me at the ball). I mean, it's good that I'm happy with it but there must be something more. I almost feel like having a date for the annual christmas party is like a club...which I've been denied admission. You know what I mean? I'm just disappointed....I wish some things would change in my life. Honestly, I'm tired of feeling like "the odd man out" at this thing. I do usually have a good time but it could be better. Am I being selfish for wanting it to be better?
It's just been a hard year for me. Hopefully 2008 will be better. Don't pay me any mind, I'm just wallowing for a bit and thanks for letting me vent, as usual. Well, I'm off to attempt sleep again.
I was inspired to write this poem by a song I found on YouTube by Celtic Woman called The Voice. It's an enchanting song so this poem is a bit whimsical and metaphorical. Here it goes, I hope you like it.
In the moments before sleep claims me
I think about my heart's desire
Love flows around and through me
I float away into the fire
Darkness gives way to blinding light
Music pulses with a life of its own
I seek my bearings with all of my might
This place that fairies call home
I begin to dance as light as a feather
Swirling amongst the fairies
Twirling with quiet grace
Dancing without a care in world
I feel his presence strong and true
Dancing with masculine grace
I feel his strength and confidence
Never seeing his face
We dance endlessly
Sensing the familiar but afraid to love
His arms close around me
Quickly I feel I?... More ...
I was inspired to write this poem by a song I found on YouTube by Celtic Woman called The Voice. It's an enchanting song so this poem is a bit whimsical and metaphorical. Here it goes, I hope you like it.
In the moments before sleep claims me
I think about my heart's desire
Love flows around and through me
I float away into the fire
Darkness gives way to blinding light
Music pulses with a life of its own
I seek my bearings with all of my might
This place that fairies call home
I begin to dance as light as a feather
Swirling amongst the fairies
Twirling with quiet grace
Dancing without a care in world
I feel his presence strong and true
Dancing with masculine grace
I feel his strength and confidence
Never seeing his face
We dance endlessly
Sensing the familiar but afraid to love
His arms close around me
Quickly I feel I?m home
The dance continues, breaking the spell
I fight to hold on to what could be
Reaching out in desperate plea
But farther and farther he drifts away
The music grows silent as darkness returns
I awake in my bed alone once again
One tear shed for what might've been
But hope remains for what might still be
Hi everyone! I'm back from vacation and boy was it way too short. I had a great time. I went to DC to see my uncle Max (who I adore) and we went to the Smithsonian to see the Museum of Natural History. That was great but everything there is reflective so my pictures came out crappy. :(
Then we drove into the mountains to see more family. I was disappointed because it didn't look like it would be cold enough to snow. But boy were we wrong. We drove up to Mountain Lake and it was snowing up there. It was magical...and freezing. It was 24 with the windchill (and I thought that was cold). It was 15 degrees when I woke up Saturday morning. Brrrrrr!!! hehe I couldn't have been happier. My mom insisted we drive home Sat. so we got in about 9:45pm last night. We weren't supposed to come back until Monday. My mom said she'd done what she needed to do and she was ready to go home...so we did. I'm really trying not to be bitter about her cutting the trip short but I really am ups... More ...
Hi everyone! I'm back from vacation and boy was it way too short. I had a great time. I went to DC to see my uncle Max (who I adore) and we went to the Smithsonian to see the Museum of Natural History. That was great but everything there is reflective so my pictures came out crappy. :(
Then we drove into the mountains to see more family. I was disappointed because it didn't look like it would be cold enough to snow. But boy were we wrong. We drove up to Mountain Lake and it was snowing up there. It was magical...and freezing. It was 24 with the windchill (and I thought that was cold). It was 15 degrees when I woke up Saturday morning. Brrrrrr!!! hehe I couldn't have been happier. My mom insisted we drive home Sat. so we got in about 9:45pm last night. We weren't supposed to come back until Monday. My mom said she'd done what she needed to do and she was ready to go home...so we did. I'm really trying not to be bitter about her cutting the trip short but I really am upset about it. She'd done what she needed to do but what about me? I still have unfinished business. I don't know how else to explain it.
I had a great time and I wouldn't trade it for the world....but I feel like something's missing. I wish I could just stay there forever because it feels like home...and now that I'm back I feel kind of empty. The trip was kind of bittersweet. I don't understand why I feel this way...I just do. I guess I'm hurting to some extent and I don't know how to fix it because I don't know why. Sometimes I wish I weren't so damn emotional and/or sensitive. Figuring myself out is like doing a jigsaw puzzle sometimes. lol
I didn't mean for this post to turn out sad in the end but this is the only place I can truly say how I feel in my heart.
Anyway, I had a great time and I hope everyone else enjoyed the holiday....next comes Christmas (I haven't even started shopping yet)
I've been distant for while but I've just been so busy with work. Also, I've been experiencing writer's block as of late. But today I feel inspired (despite that I have walking pneumonia and am home sick from work). I don't know if I can call this a poem, but it's definitely a message I feel compelled to share. I hope you like it.
I feel the magic in the air
A whirl of possibilities
Dancing and Twirling in every direction
Waiting to find The One
The One who will be blessed
Blessed with Grace, Honor, Love, and Happiness
But the blessing comes with rules to live by
Grace the world with your inner beauty and never hide it.
Honor your loved ones by staying true to your heart.
Love unconditionally with an open and eager heart.
Be happy and enjoy life to the fullest.
Who will be the chosen one?
Will it be you or will you make your own magic?
I've been distant for while but I've just been so busy with work. Also, I've been experiencing writer's block as of late. But today I feel inspired (despite that I have walking pneumonia and am home sick from work). I don't know if I can call this a poem, but it's definitely a message I feel compelled to share. I hope you like it.
I feel the magic in the air
A whirl of possibilities
Dancing and Twirling in every direction
Waiting to find The One
The One who will be blessed
Blessed with Grace, Honor, Love, and Happiness
But the blessing comes with rules to live by
Grace the world with your inner beauty and never hide it.
Honor your loved ones by staying true to your heart.
Love unconditionally with an open and eager heart.
Be happy and enjoy life to the fullest.
Who will be the chosen one?
Will it be you or will you make your own magic?
Ok, I've got the holiday fever now. I found the perfect gown to wear for my company Christmas party. It's just beautiful and I'm so excited. Now the only thing I need is a date. I've gone stag the past 2 years and I will again this year if I must but I keep hoping and praying to find someone nice and fun to go with...even if we just go as friends.
Anyway, I'm going to VA to visit family over the Thanksgiving holiday and I have almost 2 weeks off at Christmas. I don't know what I'll do with myself. Honestly I'm a bit burned-out at work and I welcome the time off. Maybe I can get my book finished-up (wishful thinking).
I marked a few Christmas parades and craft shows on my calendar so I know I'll have fun. (yes I'm a dork! lol)
So what do you guys and girls have planned so far?
Ok, so I just talked to a guy online just now (on another site...which is free) and he seemed really cool. But in the end all we wanted was to have phone s*x (or video s*x in his case...he had a webcam...I don't). Why couldn't he just say he was looking for some fun up front? I should've seen it coming but I was stupid and it ended badly for us both (but I guess it could've been worse). I'm dumbfounded at the moment. I feel like I've done something wrong but I know I didn't. Is guilt a normal reaction? I've never had this problem before so I'm not sure what to think. Any thoughts or advice?
I know all men aren't like that but this one floored me. What the hell just happened? lol I guess I have to laugh at myself though....I mean I'm just flabbergasted.
Gray mist hangs like a shroud
Covering the earth one early morn
Closing out all sunlight
Silencing the animals
Making it impossible to see
It moves along with a will of its own
Enveloping life and observing
Sighing on the gentle breeze
A cocoon where peace and quiet reign
Time suspended for but a moment
It ebbs and flows like the sea
Loving an old lost friend
A glimpse of life beyond the veil
Then it's gone and the world stops again
Suspended in the mists
How do you break out of the box?
Break down the walls, turn them to dust
And step outside to a new adventure
How do you leave your things behind?
Things that define who you are
Who you've been and who you may become
How do you face the unknown?
Where fear threatens to overtake you
Where the familiar is long past
Where love is just an elusive shadow
How do you continue the path of life?
When your tracks have been erased
The road has been repaved
And it no longer appears on the map
Do you stay in your box where it's safe?
Or do you break out and start a new journey?
Do not let life pass you by without ever really living...
Break out of the box!
Stacey...your picture of the path through the forest partially inspired this poem. lol The other part is wishful thinking at the moment. Any takers? ;)
Here I am in the darkening woods
Dreaming of my knight
A gentle breeze stirs the air
Only the stars shine their light
I walk along a narrow path
Meandering through the trees
Humming like a happy child
And then I hurt my knee
I hear his gentle footsteps
Does he search for me?
Then I see his shadow
Down on bended knee
He whispers questions
I do not understand
He leans ever closer
And takes my hand
I feel his warm breath
Caressing my cheek
The brush of his lips
Lifting me off my feet
And just when I think
I've finally reached heaven
I awake on the ground
And stare up at the heavens
I still think of Him
And see him in dream... More ...
Stacey...your picture of the path through the forest partially inspired this poem. lol The other part is wishful thinking at the moment. Any takers? ;)
Here I am in the darkening woods
Dreaming of my knight
A gentle breeze stirs the air
Only the stars shine their light
I walk along a narrow path
Meandering through the trees
Humming like a happy child
And then I hurt my knee
I hear his gentle footsteps
Does he search for me?
Then I see his shadow
Down on bended knee
He whispers questions
I do not understand
He leans ever closer
And takes my hand
I feel his warm breath
Caressing my cheek
The brush of his lips
Lifting me off my feet
And just when I think
I've finally reached heaven
I awake on the ground
And stare up at the heavens
I still think of Him
And see him in dreams
His warm soft kiss
And the hope He brings
